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Added 8/9/1999
Top 15 Women's T-shirt Slogans:
1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
2. I hate everybody, and you're next.
3. And your point is...?
4. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ...
Added 8/2/1999
When I was born - I was BLACK
When I grow up - I am BLACK
When I am sick - I am BLACK
When I go out in the sun - I am BLACK
When I go out in the cold - I am BLACK
...
Added 8/2/1999
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that
would transfer a portion of the ...
Added 7/29/1999
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his
company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked,
"If you could have a ...
Added 7/29/1999
Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.
Men know that if she ...
Added 7/27/1999
Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with "the boys."
I told the misses that I would be home by midnight ... promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the ...
Added 7/23/1999
USEFUL METRIC CONVERSIONS
1 million microphones: 1 phone
1 million phones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
10 ...
Added 7/21/1999
The body of JFK Jr. has been found, so let the jokes begin...
What's the best thing about a Kennedy wedding?
The way arriving guests like to make a big splash.
They're ...
Added 7/19/1999
Laboratory Tests
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
...
Added 7/16/1999
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as ...
Added 7/13/1999
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort in the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.
After creating heaven and earth, God ...
Added 7/12/1999
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar
having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and
says, " Whoever can say liver and ...
Added 7/5/1999
30 Signs You Are No Longer A Kid......
1.) You're asleep, but others worry that you're
dead.
2.) Your back goes out more than you do.
3.) You quit trying to hold your ...
Added 7/5/1999
Unlikely Marriages
If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married ...
Added 7/4/1999
North and South
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches
The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating ...
Added 6/28/1999
IDIOTS ARE EVERYWHERE. HERE ARE SOME PLACES TO FIND THEM:
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never ...
Added 6/27/1999
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice
evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was
left of his hair and he decided ...
Added 6/24/1999
Washing Your Cat
Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed.
That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this
popular belief, cats ...
Added 6/18/1999
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna ...
Added 6/18/1999
How do you tell a Democrat from a Republican in New York?
A Democrat has a bumper sticker on the back of his or her car that says "Run, Hillary, Run"
Republicans put the same ...
Added 6/16/1999
ACCEPTANCE TESTING
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a
computer company. They both had the same qualifications.
In order to determine which individual to ...
Added 6/15/1999
30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix ...
Added 6/15/1999
After the May 3rd tornado, many OKC residents have tried to deal with their loss through humor. Many homeowners spray-painted the wreckage of their homes or put up signs claiming: ...
Added 6/8/1999
Things NOT to say to the nice police officer:
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
...
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