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Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

One-Question IQ Test

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Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day ... There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.  By imitating the action of ...

Three mice are sitting at a bar...

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Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, ...

NewlyWeds

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A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make. The reason that they have not been ...

Special Day!

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Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day.  Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend,just as I've done.  I don't care if you lick ...

Little Sister

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My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, and my friends encouraged me. My girlfriend? She was a ...

Hu's on first

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( We take you now to the Oval Office... ) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. George: ...

MacGregor the Fence Builder

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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by ...

Thanksgiving Mistake

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Mrs. Ashley telephoned the headquarters of the infantry near Great Oaks, her ancestral home. "This is Mrs. Chauncey Ashley the Third, and with Thanksgiving coming up, I thought ...

Top ten things only women understand

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TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds 7. ...

Quick Ones 7

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I don't usually pass on news like this. I know you are busy; but sometimes we have to pause and truly remember what life is about, so I pass on this sad, sad news. There was a ...

Life in the 1500's

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Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried ...

Spoiled food

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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED ====================================== Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks on rare occasions for himself, ...

Three important people

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Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner He told them: "I need three important people to send my message out to all ...

Mike Tyson

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Mike Tyson is in bed with a girl, and he says, "My life's a disaster. I was born to an under-privileged family, had a rough childhood, I was thrown in jail for rape, my wife left ...

Techno Terms

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THE TECHNO TERMS DICTIONARY 486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC. State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete - Any computer you own. ...

WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN

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WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN "I'm going fishing." Really means, "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by ...

Computer related quotes

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There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. - Anderson, Jeremy S. If you put a billion monkeys in ...

Quote of the Week

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"[Some parents] want their Ambers and their Alexanders to grow up in a cozy womb of non-competition, where everybody shares tofu, and Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad ...

Superman

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One sunny afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day so he decided to go over to Spiderman's house. "Hey Spiderman", said Superman, "lets go get a burger ...

Top 10 ways to know you are from Oklahoma

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1. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash. 2. You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Tecumseh, Okemah and Chickasha. 3. You know ...

I Like Dogs

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by Joe, from reodorant.com  Dogs make excellent pets.  Notice how quick and efficient that sentence is? It totally conveys the "dogs are great pets" message that I was trying ...

 

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