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Steve Allen

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Steve Allen, Renaissance Man: ...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...

Raunchy One Liners

Viewed 13 times
What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

Viewed 12 times
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Useful Tidbits

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Next time you find yourself running dry on interesting tidbits of conversational matter ... Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having ...

The nursing home...

Viewed 10 times
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a ...

30 things Girls Think Guys Should Know

Viewed 8 times
30 things Girls Think Guys Should Know 1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out. 2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don't say ...

Lawyer Jokes

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The post office just recalled their newest stamps: they had pictures of lawyers on them...and the people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. How are an apple and a ...

20 thinnest books

Viewed 7 times
The top 20 thinnest books 20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr. 19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit 18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...

Bumper Stickers 2

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Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off. Horn Broken, Watch for Finger If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, ...

HOW TO BE A MORON IN AMERICA

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HOW TO BE A MORON IN AMERICA Latest Entries in the Moron Award Sweepstakes. Not quite stupid enough for the Darwin awards, but they are working on it. A man walked into a ...

Wine vs. Water

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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

Laws of Physics

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Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch, or you'll have  to pee. Law of the  Workshop: Any tool, when ...

Quotes about the French

Viewed 6 times
Alright, one more round of French-bashing (Francobashing?), then we will move on to something else. -ed. "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without ...

Boyfriend

Viewed 6 times
While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told him the television was my boyfriend, ...

12 Rules for Life

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Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are: 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct ...

Santa's Little Helpers

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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

Hot Dog

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Hotdog

A Fairy Tale

Viewed 6 times
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an ...

GOLDEN ADVICE

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A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret ...

Stupid Horse

Viewed 6 times
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish ...

 

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