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A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the ...
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You can view all of the News of the Weird at http://www.newsoftheweird.com/
(We have removed actual News of the Weird items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"What ...
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WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick ...
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A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "I know," he says, they say 'you can't take ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...
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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...
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1. Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...
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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV,
and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but ...
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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
...
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First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around ...
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Howard is a 95 year old man who lives in a senior citizen home. Every
night after dinner, Howard goes to the secluded garden behind the center
to sit and ponder his ...
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FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place ...
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little ...
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Next time you find yourself running dry on interesting tidbits of
conversational matter ...
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law:
"After having ...
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Everything I Know I Learned In Corporate America
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is ...
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1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released ...
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TRUE FUNNY STORIES
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I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she ...
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Two guys named Bob and Dave went camping in the mountains and after
spending four days together, were getting a little testy. One
morning, Dave says, "You know, we're starting ...
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