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1. Your potted plants are alive. And you can't smoke a single one of them.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer or wine in the fridge. ...
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Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft
Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
Mr. Data, have you been able to access ...
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Ya know, just make up your own joke here...
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If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...
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There is dating in Afghanistan... <IMAGE>
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They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The
storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched
her jump.
She looked across the ...
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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you
asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems; my arthritis is acting up, my ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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As most of you already know, former President Clinton's dog Buddy was killed when he ran out in front of an automobile. A nationwide search is underway to find a replacement for ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear"the rules" from the female ...
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FIRST DEGREE
A married couple was asleep when the phone rang. The wife (undoubtedly
blonde), picked up the phone, listened a
moment And said, "How should I know, that's 200 ...
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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the
kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: ...
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A paratrooper calls his dad after his first day of paratrooping. His dad
asks "So, did you jump?" He says "I will get to that."
When he was airborne the drill captain opened ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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WOW.....if Disney only knew!
CINDERELLA
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy ...
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WHAT IS A CAT ?
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to ...
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Are you a prostitute or a software consultant…
1. You work very odd hours.
2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client
happy.
3. You are paid well
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10 WORDS THAT DON'T EXIST, BUT SHOULD:
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION ...
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An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of
Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out
of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes ...
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NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling ...
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Try this soon, before Google fixes its site:
1) Go to Google.com;
2) type in (but don't hit return): "weapons of mass destruction"
3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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