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Computer related quotes

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There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. - Anderson, Jeremy S. If you put a billion monkeys in ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Three Breasts

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God Created Women. God created woman and she had 3 breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?" She replied, "Yes, could get rid of ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Living Will

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While watching March Madness, my wife and I got into a conversation About life and death and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation, I told her that I ...

Trouble at the airport

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At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a ...

Airline Repair Logs

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After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The ...

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies." He responded. "Oh. Killing ...

How to find bin Laden.

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The CIA has a new tactic. It is following Jane Fonda - she has been dating the guy for six months.

Instructions

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Instructions

Blonde Joke 12

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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject and finally after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. ...

T-shirt Slogans

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1. "Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam." (seen on Cape Cod) 2. "That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old) 3. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to ...

Spots

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January 4, 2000

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Best case scenario. January 4, 2000 Dear Valued Employee: Re: Vacation Pay Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). ...

It's not a bug...

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..No kudos from BugNet Since 1994 the editors of BugNet have presented an award to a soft- ware company for the year's best bug-fix performance. This year the editors ...

A Horse and a Chicken

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The ...

Fun with numbers

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After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the ...

Sexual Statistics

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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual ...

Florist

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A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault. He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business ...

Beer Quotes

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Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I ...

Blonde Joke 3

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A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a ...

Donald Rumsfeld Quotes

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Congress, the press, and the bureaucracy too often focus on how much money or effort is spent, rather than whether the money or effort actually achieves the announced goal. When ...

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS

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IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to ...

 

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