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Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Things I MUST remember when I come back as a dog...

Viewed 8 times
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

Viewed 7 times
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

Definitions

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ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an engineer nor gay enough to become a designer. BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is ...

No Nursing Home for Me

Viewed 7 times
With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old &feeble. I have ascertained that I can get a nice room at the Holiday ...

Airplanes vs. Women

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Sixteen reasons why airplanes are easier to live with than women: 1) Airplanes usually kill you quickly, a woman takes her time. 2) Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a ...

Presidential Quotes

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What US president once said "It is a good thing I am not a woman, as I would always be pregnant, for I cannot say no"

20 Useful Expressions for High-Stress Days

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20 Useful Expressions for High-Stress Days 1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f_cking sunshine? 2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we? 3. A hard-on doesn't ...

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Differences Between You and Your Boss

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When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough. When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...

He's Not Good Looking

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Two buddies were sitting at the bar in a singles' club and talking about another guy who was sitting at the other end of the bar. "I don't get it," complained the first guy, ...

An Elephant's Memory

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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

A Good Pun Is Its Own Reward

Viewed 6 times
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.  A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.  A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.  My wife really ...

Golf 2

Viewed 6 times
WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF 1. MONICA LEWINSKI 2. O.J. SIMPSON 3. TED KENNEDY 4. BILL CLINTON WHY YOU ASK? 1. MONICA IS A HOOKER 2. O.J. IS A SLICER 3. TED ...

Andy Rooney

Viewed 6 times
from Andy Rooney  On Ads In Bills:  Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk ...

Golf and Mother Nature

Viewed 6 times
A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a ...

More Government Labels on Products

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The board of health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of pounding a pint or two... 1. WARNING: ...

God as a Computer Programmer

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Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.  Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the ...

Holiday Greetings

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From me ("the Wishor") to you (hereinafter called the "Wishee"): Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially ...

Be strong...

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A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns but only finds a young couple in ...

New Study

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A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ...

Dog Letters to God

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Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities? Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your ...

Mindless trivia

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Interesting but mindless trivia ... Did you know that.....? Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. ...

Courtroom humor 2

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The following are actual statements made during court cases: Judge: I know you, don't I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: ...

 

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