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Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Things I MUST remember when I come back as a dog...

Viewed 97 times
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind ...

Steve Allen

Viewed 51 times
Steve Allen, Renaissance Man: ...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...

Summer BBQ Season

Viewed 8 times
After 6 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season.  Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Afghan Rocket Launcher

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Afghan rocket launcher

TO ALL THE KIDS BORN in the 50's

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First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.  They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Lawyer Jokes

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The post office just recalled their newest stamps: they had pictures of lawyers on them...and the people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. How are an apple and a ...

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the ...

Things that sound dirty at Christmas...

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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

Divine Interventions

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I don't usually links to other websites, but when I stumbled across this one while wandering the outer fringes of the Internet, I knew I had to make an exception... (Be ...

MacGregor the Fence Builder

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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by ...

Buddy learns a new trick...

Viewed 6 times
Ya know, just make up your own joke here...
buddy

Raunchy One Liners

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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you. What's the ...

Skin graft

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she ...

Tales of the Non-Technology Inclined

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COMPUTER, POWER STRIP  I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not ...

Microsoft Windaz 2000

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New Australian version of Windows...
Aussie Windaz 2000

Holiday Eating Tips

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1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where ...

Generic name for Viagra

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In pharmacology, all drugs have two names; a trade name and a generic name.For example, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called ...

The Ant and the Grasshopper

Viewed 5 times
CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool ...

Larry Walters, Lawn Chair Pilot

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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe.  Larry was a truck ...

 

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