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Baptizing a Drunk

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A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the ...

The True Definition of Globalization

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Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend ...

Little Johnny (1)

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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven...

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H E A V E N Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's ...

Monkey, Lizard, and a Crocodile

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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...

Barbie's letter to Santa

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Dear Santa:  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...

Larry Walters, Lawn Chair Pilot

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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe.  Larry was a truck ...

Jesus and the redneck

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The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and ...

Things Men Know

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Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house. Men know that if she ...

Steven Wright Bumper Stickers

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1. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm 2. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines 3. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets ...

Points to Ponder 2

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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that ...

Never Say to a Cop

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Things You Should NEVER Say When Stopped by the Police! 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't ...

$100,000

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A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "I know," he says, they say 'you can't take ...

20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. While he's in the ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Origin of the Phrase...

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Have you ever wondered where the phrase "You gotta be sh*ttin' me" came from? Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of the USA. Way back, George ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Backwards

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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. Curious, the boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who ...

Squirrels

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There were three country churches in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian church, the Methodist church and the Catholic church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. ...

Taking the wife to the Rodeo

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A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times ...

Mixed Metaphors from the Workplace

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"He's not the brightest cookie in the lamp." "Predicting is difficult, especially when it involves the future." "That thing was jumping up and down like a sieve." "We will ...

Dog Fight

Viewed 3 times
If only it were this easy... Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...

Before it starts...

Viewed 3 times
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but ...

Speeding Ticket Stories

Viewed 3 times
GOOD: A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 10-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand ...

 

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