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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...
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The other day, a woman came out of the kitchen and when her husband approached, she slapped him up side the head, WHACK! He was a little dazed and asked, "What was that for?"
...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the ...
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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever
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1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins ...
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"[Some parents] want their Ambers and their Alexanders to
grow up in a cozy womb of non-competition, where everybody
shares tofu, and Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad ...
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know
what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The
4-year-old nods his head in ...
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A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.
- Carl Sagan
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Well, it is now the Christmas season, and I think
it is time for the twelve letters of Christmas...
Miss Agnes McHolstein
69 Cash Ave.
Beaver Valley, CO
Dec. 14, ...
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A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look
out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I
built that fence stone by ...
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A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day,
enjoying his chance to get some sun. All of a sudden, a beautiful woman
walks by and stops. "You poor man," ...
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Redneck birth control
After having their 11th child, a Missouri couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his ...
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WHERE DO CONSULTANTS GO WHEN THEY DIE?
There once was a consultant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made ...
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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...
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An elderly couple was watching television, and they only spoke to one another during the commercials. During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the 'Buffalo Theory' to his buddy Norm. I don't think we've ever heard the concept ...
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While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle in
the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and
with a smile said ...
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Sex sandals This married couple was on holiday in India. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this sandal shop. From ...
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How to wash the cat:
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water-a strong
industrial solvent often works best-and lift both ...
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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a ...
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