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Things I MUST remember when I come back as a dog...

Viewed 86 times
1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind ...

Mental Health Hotline

Viewed 49 times
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Steve Allen

Viewed 49 times
Steve Allen, Renaissance Man: ...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...

Santa's Little Helpers

Viewed 19 times
I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

Digitally Compressed Scents

Viewed 12 times
Even I couldn't make this one up. You can see the article for yourself at... http://cbs.marketwatch.com/archive/20000304/news/current/personal.htx -

Wine vs. Water

Viewed 11 times
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

Some of My Favorite Christmas Carols...

Viewed 11 times
"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection"  "Away in a Drunk Tank"  "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means"  "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected"  ...

Sex

Viewed 10 times
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX: So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, I get a little each month, but not ...

Caught!

Viewed 10 times
They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the ...

Dogs and Cats

Viewed 10 times
WHAT IS A CAT ? 1) Cats do what they want 2) They rarely listen to you 3) They're totally unpredictable 4) They whine when they are not happy 5) When you want to ...

Are you a prostitute or a software consultant...

Viewed 10 times
Are you a prostitute or a software consultant… 1. You work very odd hours. 2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy. 3. You are paid well

Business Slogans Translated

Viewed 10 times
From "American Demographics" magazine: Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages: When Braniff translated a slogan ...

83 things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say

Viewed 10 times
83 things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say: - 1. uh-oh.... 2. Oh S***! 3. What the heck?!? 4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO

A Redneck Christmas

Viewed 10 times

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

Viewed 9 times
1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all!  2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!  3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...

10 things I hate about Star Trek

Viewed 9 times
By an anonymous Trekkie.  10. Noisy doors.  You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...

Taking the wife to the Rodeo

Viewed 9 times
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times ...

Little Johnny (about his dad)

Viewed 9 times
It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living. The first little girl says: ...

Computer Trouble

Viewed 9 times
Judy, the editor of trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Dave, the computer guy, over to her desk. Dave clicked a couple of buttons and ...

Golf

Viewed 9 times
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next ...

Better with age

Viewed 9 times
Strange Therapy Sessions A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...

Origin of a Holiday Tradition

Viewed 9 times
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime ...

$100,000

Viewed 9 times
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "I know," he says, they say 'you can't take ...

Computer related quotes

Viewed 9 times
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. - Anderson, Jeremy S. If you put a billion monkeys in ...

 

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