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Douglas Adams Quotes...
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.
In the beginning the Universe was ...
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How Old Do You Feel?
To get an idea of the lives of those entering college this fall, read on......... and try not to laugh...............
1. The people who are starting ...
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It has been reported that bin Laden has been recruiting suicide bombers from India. We now have proof of a new wave of attacks from the sky but there is little to fear, the ...
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Ya know, just make up your own joke here...
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I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU...
I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU...
I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT UNTIL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.
I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR ...
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The CIA has a new tactic. It is following Jane Fonda - she has been dating the guy for six months.
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IDIOTS ARE EVERYWHERE. HERE ARE SOME PLACES TO FIND THEM:
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never ...
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One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar
for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble ...
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Dear Santa,
I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond
earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little
thing, and I want ...
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Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the ...
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Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole's house and saw a sign that said, "Boat For Sale."
This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn't own a ...
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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a ...
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In a survey, 80 percent of women thought their ass was too fat,
15 percent said their ass was too thin,
and the other five percent said they didn't care - they would have ...
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News services are reporting that Osama bin Laden has been captured by U.S.
Special Forces.
In a covert operation, the entire country of Afghanistan was sprayed with
Viagra ...
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Hey, they found him!
Just around the corner too.
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You know you work in corporate America in the 90's if:
1. You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
2. Your company welcome sign is ...
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A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
...
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Too much time, and tequila, and too many limes...
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I've been amusing myself coming up with Taliban "secret weapons", including mobile AA guns mounted on camels and "stealth horses" with pillows tied round their feet. However, I'm ...
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If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a ...
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A cattle rancher needs a bull to service his
cows but needs to borrow the breeding fee
from the bank.
The banker lends him the money and comes
by a week later to see how ...
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What US president once said "It is a good thing I am not a woman, as I would
always be pregnant, for I cannot say no"
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