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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
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A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the
trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general
began to throw his weight around to try ...
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Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.
"Well, why ...
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Dear Mom and Dad:
It has been four months since I left for college. I have been remiss in
writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to
date now, ...
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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line
of judgement. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed
to march right through the ...
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THE GEORGE BUSH Virus...
(Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.)
THE AL GORE Virus...
(Causes your ...
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During camouflage training, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a
sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You jackass!" the
officer barked. "Don't you ...
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked
to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told
him that they only sold whole ...
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Redneck birth control
After having their 11th child, a Missouri couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his ...
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Top 10 Signs That You Have Job Burnout:
10. You're so tired, you now answer the phone with just: "Hell."
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately ...
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API - Time Magazine reports an interesting case of high-tech graffiti. It
seems that a couple of Intel engineers working on the design of a recent
version of the Pentium ...
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THE TROUBLE WITH COUNTRY......
There was once a medical student specializing in pathology who truly
wanted to excel in his studies. Without fail, he would daily visit the ...
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COULD IT BE?
An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young
man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair, a pierced nose ring,
and colored eye makeup.
...
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Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was ...
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I pulled into a crowded mall parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to ...
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Here are some "CARDS" that Hallmark doesn't produce and should... My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! - - - - - ...
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A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give ...
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After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for his young secretary. His new girlfriend demanded that she wanted to live in the couple's multimillion dollar home, and since ...
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A cattle rancher needs a bull to service his
cows but needs to borrow the breeding fee
from the bank.
The banker lends him the money and comes
by a week later to see how ...
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