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Alaska Accident

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The day after losing his wife in a diving accident, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. ...

100 fun ways to order pizza

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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER 1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. 2. Make up a ...

Larry Walters, Lawn Chair Pilot

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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe.  Larry was a truck ...

Evil Math

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The following pseudo-mathematical proof was posted to rec.games.board: What about this: We know that women like two things, your time and your money, therefore... women ...

Dave Berry's Rules to Live By

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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in ...

An Elephant's Memory

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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

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1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all!  2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!  3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...

Why?

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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why ...

Ever wonder what Michael Jackson was doing on 9/11

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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe...  "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...

Coma Recovery

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Patient: "Huh? What? Where am I?" Nurse: "You're in the hospital. You've been in a coma." Patient: "How long was I in a coma?" Nurse: "Ten years" Patient: "Wow... ...

Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Cat Carrier

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Cat Carrier

Differences Between You and Your Boss

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When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough. When you don't do it, you're lazy. When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...

Ha

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Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A. Money ...

Penguin

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A penguin is taking a trip when his car suddenly breaks down. Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street from a mechanic. So he pushes his BMW to the shop and asks ...

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

Redneck Fisherman

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A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Alabama recently with two ice chests full of fish.  He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, ...

Sick Joke

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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says: "Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!" "No, no," says the ...

Alternate Meanings

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The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries: ...

Stupid People

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They're everywhere. This one, according to today's New Haven Register, was observed in the Wallingford, CT post office: A man walks into the Wallingford post office, says that ...

Cool Things About a Car that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light

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15. Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am! 14. Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green. 13. Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states. ...

100 Years Ago

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It may be hard to believe how times have changed in the last 100 years. "100 Years Ago" The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven. Only 14 ...

Lack of Tact

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Tact Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, ...

 

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