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Santa's Little Helpers

Viewed 11 times
I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
Santa's little helpers

48 phrases we wish we could say at work

Viewed 11 times
1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again... 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for ...

Anger Management

Viewed 10 times
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

Send us money for beer please

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This is a real, honest-to-god, piece of SPAM (junk mail) that I received recently, back before Enron and Worldcom and other as yet undisclosed corporate crimes. It's a ...

Dave Berry's Rules to Live By

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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If you had to identify, in ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

Viewed 9 times
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

New Definitions

Viewed 8 times
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a ...

Before it starts...

Viewed 8 times
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but ...

Hot Dog

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Hotdog

Top ten things only women understand (variation)

Viewed 8 times
Top Ten Things Only Women Understand: 10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes. 9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. 8. Crying can be fun. ...

An Elephant's Memory

Viewed 7 times
Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...

Golf on Christmas

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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go ...

Redneck Luxuries

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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Pool Redneck Yacht... Yacht

PMS

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Husbands, please take note! Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. ...

Steve Allen

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Steve Allen, Renaissance Man: ...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...

Scottish nuns

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Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs. "Odd," her companion replies, "but if ...

Bill Sux at .18 Microns

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API - Time Magazine reports an interesting case of high-tech graffiti. It seems that a couple of Intel engineers working on the design of a recent version of the Pentium ...

Santa

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santa

Things that sound dirty at Christmas...

Viewed 6 times
But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...

Community Service

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One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." ...

Life's Rules

Viewed 6 times
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's. 2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. 3. I live in my own little world, ...

Dog Quotes

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"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue."  - Anonymous  "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are ...

Famous Quotes on Sex

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Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Steve Martin: "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? ...

Barbie's letter to Santa

Viewed 6 times
Dear Santa:  Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...

 

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