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If Men Ruled the World...
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."
- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One
of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next ...
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A revised version of the default Windows startup sound…
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Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.")
...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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Into an Irish pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over
by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking ...
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Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.
Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, ...
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My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. ...
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How would our lifes be different if Microsoft built cars?
1. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas.
2. You would constantly be pressured to upgrade your car.
3. You ...
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Rest in Peace, Colonel Klink
Thursday December 07 10:06 PM EST
Werner Klemperer, the man guaranteed tube immortality as the bumbling Colonel Klink on TV's Hogan's Heroes, ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went ...
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Here is a form letter for those who don't quite know how to say goodbye. select the appropriate section and end relationship. To (Type in their email address): From (Your ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Muslim outrage huh. OK... let's do a little historical review. Just some of the lowlights: Muslims fly commercial airliners into buildings in New York City. No Muslim outrage. ...
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A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to his place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. They pet for ...
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A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in ...
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...
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A man returns from travelling overseas and is feeling very ill. He goes to
see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital in to undergo
tests. The man wakes up after ...
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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
What type of bra?" asked the ...
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Secrets for a man to lead a happy life:
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money
3. It is ...
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When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your
nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy
businessman learned this the hard way after ordering
his nurses around ...
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CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the
winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool ...
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