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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV,
and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled, but ...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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You can view all of the News of the Weird at http://www.newsoftheweird.com/
(We have removed actual News of the Weird items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)
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I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in
front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to
avoid hitting her. This ...
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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes
over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the
woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her ...
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TRUE FUNNY STORIES
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I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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Abort, Retry, Ignore?
by: Anonymous Works
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
...
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Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates, and are comparing stories on how they had died.
"I froze to death," said the first woman.
"You froze to death, how horrible!" ...
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GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either
with us or ...
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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
...
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A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have
two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest ...
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The following pseudo-mathematical proof was posted to rec.games.board:
What about this:
We know that women like two things, your time and your money,
therefore...
women ...
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It may be hard to believe how times have
changed in the last 100 years.
"100 Years Ago"
The average life expectancy in the United States
was forty-seven.
Only 14 ...
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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of the
sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and in a ...
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A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little
boy, is your mother home?"
...
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Did you hear about the South Carolina redneck who passed away
and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
- ...
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Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"What ...
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WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and
while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick ...
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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
======================================
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, ...
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