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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.
What's the ...
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While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told him the television was my boyfriend, ...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
At work, you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle
In prison, you get three meals a day.
At work, you ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,
while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the
summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the ...
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TOP 20 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS:
* Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by
killing all those who opposed ...
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After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied, "the sunrises and ...
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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...
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You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! Good dog! Good dog!
...
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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." - Anonymous "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are ...
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"Remember your army loves you"
- Sergeant Diaz of the Colombian Army (no first name given), during the
debut of the new Colombian Army's new mascot, a large inflatable ...
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Apparently concerned about the misinterpretation of language at this
highly charged time, Reuters's head of global news, Stephen Jukes, has
directed his staff to avoid the word ...
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WHAT IS A CAT ?
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to ...
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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods...
1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do ...
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