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1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind ...
Viewed 49 times
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
Viewed 49 times
Steve Allen, Renaissance Man:
...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci
as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...
Viewed 19 times
I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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Even I couldn't make this one up. You can see the article for yourself
at...
http://cbs.marketwatch.com/archive/20000304/news/current/personal.htx
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection" "Away in a Drunk Tank" "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means" "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected" ...
Viewed 10 times
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, I get a little each month, but not ...
Viewed 10 times
They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The
storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched
her jump.
She looked across the ...
Viewed 10 times
WHAT IS A CAT ?
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to ...
Viewed 10 times
Are you a prostitute or a software consultant…
1. You work very odd hours.
2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client
happy.
3. You are paid well
Viewed 10 times
From "American Demographics" magazine:
Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:
When Braniff translated a slogan ...
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83 things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say:
-
1. uh-oh....
2. Oh S***!
3. What the heck?!?
4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO
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1. Blaming your farts on me....not funny...not funny at all! 2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me ...
Viewed 9 times
By an anonymous Trekkie. 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...
Viewed 9 times
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding
bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull
mated 50 times ...
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It's the first day of school and the teacher thought she'd get to know the
kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says: ...
Viewed 9 times
Judy, the editor of trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer.
So she called Dave, the computer guy, over to her desk. Dave clicked a
couple of buttons and ...
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One
of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
Viewed 9 times
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime ...
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A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "I know," he says, they say 'you can't take ...
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There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
- Anderson, Jeremy S.
If you put a billion monkeys in ...
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