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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the ...
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Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.
Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime ...
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TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES
1. Sag - You're It!
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
4. Kick the Bucket
5. Red Rover, Red ...
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"After the lights were on and I saw a butt naked guy on my table I thought,
'Wow, this is weirder than I thought.' "
- unidentified homeowner in Muncie, Indiana, after ...
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A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle
me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the
boss told her to report for ...
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A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-olds: "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and
deeper than anyone could have ...
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In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing ...
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From "American Demographics" magazine:
Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:
When Braniff translated a slogan ...
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Merry Christmas From Mom
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,
Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I
can't breathe or eat. The ...
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You know you are from Michigan when:
- You own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup
- You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit
- You have more ...
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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.
What's the ...
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A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession
box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention,
but still the man says ...
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Legless Man Wanted in Pants Heist
- Rueters recently reported that a man with no legs is wanted in West Vancouver for allegedly stealing 10 pairs of pants from The Gap. They ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate ...
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Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft
Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
Mr. Data, have you been able to access ...
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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one ...
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1. Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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Number10:
"Scattered @#$% ing showers, my ass!"
- Noah, 4314 BC
Number 9:
"How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagorus, 126 BC
Number 8:
"You want WHAT ...
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Ya know, just make up your own joke here...
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Monica Lewinsky (on CNN's Larry King Live discussing her miraculous
Jenny Craig weight-loss) :
"I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me."
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