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Who wrote the Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"?
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"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
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There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Alley's
Grocery Store. I don't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys
like to tease him. They say he is two bricks ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say:
10) "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
9) Duct tape won't fix that
8) Come to think of it I'll have a Heiniken's
...
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A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?"
"Oh shit!" the blonde says, "I ...
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The following pseudo-mathematical proof was posted to rec.games.board:
What about this:
We know that women like two things, your time and your money,
therefore...
women ...
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An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of
Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out
of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes ...
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You can view all of the News of the Weird at http://www.newsoftheweird.com/
(We have removed actual News of the Weird items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)
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Microsoft complies with "truth in advertising" requirements...
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good ...
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An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her
husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy. "He ...
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The top 20 thinnest books
20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr.
19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit
18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...
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Do you ever feel overworked, over-regulated, under-leisured and under-benefited?
Take heart, this notice was found in the ruins of a London office building. It was
dated 1852: ...
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An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked himself
on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. Until the
boat sank. The man found ...
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One Monday morning, Little Johnny's kindergarten
teacher, Miss Needlemeyer, decided to have a special
show-and-tell session in which each child could tell about
something ...
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A recent survey of boat owners revealed that only 13% of them would
go overboard to save their spouse. However 25% would go overboard
to save their hat.
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, ...
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There were two young brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were
exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood,
it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents ...
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You find out interesting things when you have sons, like... 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray ...
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