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These are things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Eve
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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IS THAT LOGICAL?
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and
thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to
see the counselor, ...
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
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Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer. Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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Fathers Pietro and George are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. Father Pietro looks at the other priest's equipment and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on the ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, But they ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class; as the
teacher walked into the classroom, she notices something written on
the blackboard: "T T T 1 A"
She looks ...
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Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon
after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she
remarries and over the following ...
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Here are some new taglines collected from various dark corners of the
Internet...
Mary Shafer of NASA Ames has said, "Insisting on perfect safety is for
people who don't ...
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Larry Walters is among the relatively few who have actually turned their dreams into reality. His story is true, though you may find it hard to believe. Larry was a truck ...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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In the Birmingham Sunday Mercury (7th Jan 2001):
Worker dead at desk for 5 days
Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their ...
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HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you ...
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A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's ...
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The body of JFK Jr. has been found, so let the jokes begin...
What's the best thing about a Kennedy wedding?
The way arriving guests like to make a big splash.
They're ...
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"The Five Commercials Aired During The Lewinsky/Walters
Interview" (and yes, these really did air during the interview)
5. Victoria's Secret lingerie.
4. Burger King - ...
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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.
What's the ...
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A penguin is taking a trip when his car suddenly breaks down.
Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street from a
mechanic. So he pushes his BMW to the shop and asks ...
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