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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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OXYMORON LIST (April 1998)
(Oxymoron - - an epigrammatic witty, often paradoxical effect, by which contradictory terms are used in conjunction)
50. Act naturally
49. Found ...
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"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we
were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot
live forever, which is why ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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New State Mottos
Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi
Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Arizona
But It's a Dry Heat
Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthing ...
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Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft
Picard: Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your
attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And
Mr. Data, have you been able to access ...
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went ...
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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."
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A Dutchman, an Australian, and a New Zealander are in Saudi Arabia,
sharing a smuggled crate of booze when Saudi police rush in and arrest
them. The mere possession of alcohol ...
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In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing ...
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A woman went to the Doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the
new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she
burst out, screaming as she ran down ...
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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...
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Every morning Bill Clinton takes a jog in his new home town of
Chappaqua.
Each day he passes a hooker on a particular street corner and, as he
goes by, she shouts out, ...
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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and ...
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to
himself, "This driver is just as ...
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HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
======================================
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, ...
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A dwarf with a lisp went to a horse show to buy a mare. He wandered around
until he came across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer
standing at the gate. He ...
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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and ...
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Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, "Bless me Father for I
have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest says, "Is
that you, Tommy?" "Yes, Father, it is I." ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who
fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in ...
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As most of you already know, former President Clinton's dog Buddy was killed when he ran out in front of an automobile. A nationwide search is underway to find a replacement for ...
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Try this soon, before Google fixes its site:
1) Go to Google.com;
2) type in (but don't hit return): "weapons of mass destruction"
3) Hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button, ...
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