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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us
who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's probably shouldn't have
survived.
Our baby cribs were covered with ...
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GOOD:
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 10-year-old boy
was standing up the road with a hand ...
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ABBOTT: Fry's Electronics. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the ...
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According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,
while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the
summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the ...
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(part of a collection posted last week to rec.humor.funny)
subject: Happiest Man in the World
As we watched the horrific events unfold on Tuesday, September 11, my
friends ...
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You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"
As we ain't got no programming experience, this virus works on the honor
system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive ...
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A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish ...
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In a crowded city, at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini-skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. ...
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More buzz words to laugh at... and then incorporate into daily life (at
least for your fellow office dwellers)
Dilbert's latest vocabulary additions: NEW WORDS FOR THE 90'S: ...
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API - Time Magazine reports an interesting case of high-tech graffiti. It
seems that a couple of Intel engineers working on the design of a recent
version of the Pentium ...
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A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing round the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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- Gifts for Children -
This is easy. You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will tell you exactly what they want. They spend months and months ...
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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...
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Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5000 types of snakes, and 4998 live in Florida.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 ...
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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below ...
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While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told him the television was my boyfriend, ...
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"A cageful of drunken monkeys is like a cocktail party."
- Frank Ervin, a professor of psychiatry at McGill University, who is
currently studying what happens when you liquor ...
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Be advised that terrorists may attempt to pass themselves off as ordinary American citizens and may even attempt to change their hair color, wardrobe or appearance in order to ...
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Hello, my name is Carol and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50
billion f_cking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe
that if you send them on, a ...
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15. Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am!
14. Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green.
13. Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states.
...
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Q What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out ...
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GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red ...
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