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I suppose this explains why he's always so jolly...
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Bill of Rights restated
State Representative Mitchell Kaye of Georgia wrote the following:
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get ...
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Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that
homosexuality is an abomination according to ...
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A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his ...
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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says:
"Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!"
"No, no," says the ...
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
Viewed 5 times
A Scottish old-timer in Scotland, in a bar, says to a young man, "Lad, look
out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I
built that fence stone by ...
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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when
game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are
now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...
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Top 15 Women's T-shirt Slogans:
1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
2. I hate everybody, and you're next.
3. And your point is...?
4. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ...
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Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money
...
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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's ...
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TOP 10 OLD FOLKS' PARTY GAMES
1. Sag - You're It!
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
4. Kick the Bucket
5. Red Rover, Red ...
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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone
failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when
it did ring, her pet dog ...
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...
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Martha's way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom ...
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'Hi, Jack' on plane triggers SWAT team by Shawn D. Lewis / The Detroit News ( http://detnews.com/ ) Waterford - Pilots named Jack, beware. Minutes after a boarding ...
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Note: The following editorial was written by the late
Gordon Sinclair in 1973. Although some details have
changed since then, the basic sentiments still remain
true ...
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Thursday July 5 1:43 PM ET
Missouri Man Bakes Fireworks, Blows Up Kitchen
KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Reuters) - Fireworks hidden in a Kansas City man's
oven turned out to be a ...
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We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more
information in our heads."
- Vlade Divac, Los Angeles Lakers
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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If Only Life Could Be Like A Computer...
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and
start all over!
To get your daily exercise, just click on ...
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1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins ...
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