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Sick Joke

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A drunk goes into a bar. He is very, very drunk - can hardly stand up. He slurs his way up to the bar and says: "Hey, bartender! Gimme a martini!" "No, no," says the ...

Martha Stewart's Way

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Martha's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom ...

The Book of Leviticus

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Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to ...

FROM JESSE JACKSON

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Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse Jackson Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to ...

Labor pain

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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby deliavered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the ...

Cowboy Logic

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

Inner Peace

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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have ...

Telephone Problem

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An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog ...

Farmer's donkey fell down a well (updated ending)

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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...

Hollywood Squares 2

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Here are some quotes from Hollywood Squares Game Show in the 70's, when game show's responses were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now. God bless Paul Lynde, Rose ...

Man Bakes Fireworks, Blows Up Kitchen

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Thursday July 5 1:43 PM ET Missouri Man Bakes Fireworks, Blows Up Kitchen KANSAS CITY, Mo. (Reuters) - Fireworks hidden in a Kansas City man's oven turned out to be a ...

True Story

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True story - Neil Armstrong Truth is stranger than fiction When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, not only gave his famous "one small step ...

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

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10 WORDS THAT DON'T EXIST, BUT SHOULD: 1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. 2. CARPERPETUATION ...

Alligator

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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's ...

Drinking on the Job

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Drinking on the Job While most companies refrain from allowing consumption of alcohol on the premises, there are some good arguments for changing that policy. Reasons for ...

As We Age

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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. Without thinking she simply replied, "No peer ...

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS

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IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to ...

Police Use Helicopter for Doughnut Run

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Monday October 8 7:14 AM ET Police Use Helicopter for Doughnut Run ALBUQUERQUE (Reuters) - An Albuquerque policeman and his pilot face disciplinary measures after using a ...

Ronald Reagan Quotes

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The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take a civil-service exam. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few ...

I Like Dogs

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by Joe, from reodorant.com  Dogs make excellent pets.  Notice how quick and efficient that sentence is? It totally conveys the "dogs are great pets" message that I was trying ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

Call Girl

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I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely, so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. ...

Monkey, Lizard, and a Crocodile

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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...

 

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