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20 Useful Expressions for High-Stress Days
1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f_cking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. A hard-on doesn't ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures
on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook,
and an eye patch.
The seaman asks ...
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WHAT IS A CAT ?
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to ...
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WHERE DO CONSULTANTS GO WHEN THEY DIE?
There once was a consultant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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Husbands, please take note!
Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a
man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands.
...
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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next
to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then
casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The ...
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A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist
for some arsenic.
The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with
arsenic?"
The lady say's "To kill my husband."
...
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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1. Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
2. There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take
time to look ...
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A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you ...
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After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings. "Tell me, St. Peter, what ...
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A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out ...
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Disco Dog Dancing at its finest…
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LETTER FROM A FARM KID, NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats ...
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Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I
look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
their hopes and dreams. ...
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New weapon in the war on terrorism...
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Tact
Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill
and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, ...
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A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish ...
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SCAM ALERT! WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY!
_
THIS IS SERIOUS!
If you get an envelope from a company called the "Internal Revenue
Service," DO NOT OPEN IT!
...
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When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...
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