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Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my ...

Afghan Rocket Launcher

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Afghan rocket launcher

The Book of Leviticus

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Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

The Ant and the Grasshopper

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CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool ...

Redneck Luxuries

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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Pool Redneck Yacht... Yacht

Wine vs. Water

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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

A Good Pun Is Its Own Reward

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Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.  A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.  A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.  My wife really ...

...walks into a bar

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Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." A sandwich walks into a bar. ...

Are you a prostitute or a software consultant...

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Are you a prostitute or a software consultant… 1. You work very odd hours. 2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy. 3. You are paid well

Tips for Northerners moving South

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Tips for Northerners moving South 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...

Twelve bugs of Christmas

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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me See if they can do it again. For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me Ask them how they did it and ...

A Redneck Christmas

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Things that sound dirty at Christmas...

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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...

At last, the perfect Christmas card

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Dear recipient, Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

Lessons

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Lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When ...

Haircut

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A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy ...

Puns for Intellectuals

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1. Two vultures boarded a plane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says "sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger." 2. NASA recently sent a ...

Tampax

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MessageContributed by: Deborah Twonames Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the check-out counter. The man at the ...

Boyfriend

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While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told him the television was my boyfriend, ...

 

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