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Baptizing a Drunk

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A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the ...

News of the Weird

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You can view all of the News of the Weird at http://www.newsoftheweird.com/ (We have removed actual News of the Weird items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)

Ever wonder what Michael Jackson was doing on 9/11

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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe...  "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...

Cat joke

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Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What ...

Pillsbury Dough Boy Wanted For Attempted Murder

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WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick ...

$100,000

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A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "I know," he says, they say 'you can't take ...

Capitalism and Cows

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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN ...

Little Johnny (1)

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One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have ...

It takes an Italian Man to make a Woman feel like a Woman...

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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

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1.  Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.  You keep more food than beer in the ...

Wine vs. Water

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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Dog Fight

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If only it were this easy... Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...

Before it starts...

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A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but ...

Why dogs are better than wives

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1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you. 2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. 3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. ...

Perfect Made Imperfect

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First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing" After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around ...

Howard and Annabel

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Howard is a 95 year old man who lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to the secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his ...

Human Resources

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FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: Everyone RE: Christmas Party DATE: December 1 I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place ...

Little Johnny (quick ones)

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little ...

Useful Tidbits

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Next time you find yourself running dry on interesting tidbits of conversational matter ... Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having ...

Everything I Know I Learned In Corporate America

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Everything I Know I Learned In Corporate America 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility. 2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track. 3. There is ...

So You've Had a Bad Day

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1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released ...

Quick stories

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TRUE FUNNY STORIES - I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she ...

Camping

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Two guys named Bob and Dave went camping in the mountains and after spending four days together, were getting a little testy. One morning, Dave says, "You know, we're starting ...

 

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