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Computer related quotes

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There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. - Anderson, Jeremy S. If you put a billion monkeys in ...

WW WA PP ATR

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A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. However, each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant aware of his predicament, suggested he ...

A Horse and a Chicken

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The ...

Inner Peace

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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have ...

Clever Lawyer

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A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client ...

The Ranch Hand

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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, ...

Farmer's donkey fell down a well (updated ending)

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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...

Class of 2006

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Once again, Beloit College has found new ways to make us feel old... Beloit, Wis. - In the coming weeks, a new generation of students will arrive on campuses throughout the ...

Bra Types

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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the ...

Husband Jokes

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My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. ...

Flat Tire

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This man at the side of the road was fixing his flat tire. A police car stops behind his and the officer strolls to him to offer help. The man says he's doing OK and doesn't ...

Andy Rooney

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from Andy Rooney  On Ads In Bills:  Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk ...

Spots

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Is there a heaven

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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, ...

Medical Facts

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News from Hopkins Medical Center...... Yesterday research scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed ...

Alligator

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A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's ...

Labor pain

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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby deliavered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the ...

Cowboy Logic

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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...

IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS

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IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renowned scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to ...

Police Use Helicopter for Doughnut Run

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Monday October 8 7:14 AM ET Police Use Helicopter for Doughnut Run ALBUQUERQUE (Reuters) - An Albuquerque policeman and his pilot face disciplinary measures after using a ...

25 Ways To Tell You're Grown Up

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1.  Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2.  Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3.  You keep more food than beer in the ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

10 things I hate about Star Trek

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By an anonymous Trekkie.  10. Noisy doors.  You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding ...

Anger Management

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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...

 

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