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Tips for Northerners moving South

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Tips for Northerners moving South 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...

Dear Mr. bin Laden

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If you can read this...

Giving up wine

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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...

Who reads what, and why

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1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The Washington Post is read ...

Quick Ones 6

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Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A: A cherry float. Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? A: 1 US leader Q: What did the sign on the ...

Church

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Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. ...

Computer Upgrade

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computer upgrade

Top ten things only women understand (variation)

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Top Ten Things Only Women Understand: 10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes. 9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. 8. Crying can be fun. ...

Ethnic Survivor

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Note: In case you were wondering, our current policy on ethnic humor is available on the manbottle library website: http://www.manbottle.com/ethnic.htm - editor

Kids Say... (part 2)

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A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. ...

Dogs and Cats

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WHAT IS A CAT ? 1) Cats do what they want 2) They rarely listen to you 3) They're totally unpredictable 4) They whine when they are not happy 5) When you want to ...

Wanna hear a blonde joke

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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know ...

Golf 2

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WORST FOURSOME IN GOLF 1. MONICA LEWINSKI 2. O.J. SIMPSON 3. TED KENNEDY 4. BILL CLINTON WHY YOU ASK? 1. MONICA IS A HOOKER 2. O.J. IS A SLICER 3. TED ...

Taco Bell

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The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, " Whoever can say liver and ...

100 Reasons It's better to be a Guy

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1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about cars. 4. A five day vacation requires only one ...

What's in a Name 2

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This guy from out of town walks into a local bar for a drink. After about 2 steps, he realizes he's in a gay bar, but he thinks, "What the heck, all I really want is a beer." ...

Three pints of Guinness

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An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes ...

Medical quotes

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The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting. ...

C monkey

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A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing round the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a ...

Chinese Wedding Night

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A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be ...

Why cats don't like tequila

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Too much time, and tequila, and too many limes...
lime kitty

New Element Discovered

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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium  (symbol=Gv), has one ...

Some of My Favorite Christmas Carols...

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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection"  "Away in a Drunk Tank"  "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means"  "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected"  ...

 

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