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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his
devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it
but she knew very little about ...
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What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps
with everyone at the party except you.
What's the ...
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Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to
people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that
homosexuality is an abomination according to ...
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They're everywhere. This one, according to today's New Haven Register,
was observed in the Wallingford, CT post office:
A man walks into the Wallingford post office, says that ...
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An Interesting Discovery. Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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Redneck Swimming Pool...
Redneck Yacht...
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1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as ...
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They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse ...
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But aren't . . . I think your balls are hanging too low. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall. Santa's sack is really bulging! Did you get ...
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Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was a salted.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A sandwich walks into a bar. ...
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You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! Good dog! Good dog!
...
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If you have children you will probably relate to this father...
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, ...
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Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was ...
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A recent survey of boat owners revealed that only 13% of them would
go overboard to save their spouse. However 25% would go overboard
to save their hat.
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in ...
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