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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WITH A HALLMARK
"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the f_ck was I thinking"
"Congratulations on your ...
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They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark stormy night. The
storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched
her jump.
She looked across the ...
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked
to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told
him that they only sold whole ...
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The post office just recalled their newest stamps:
they had pictures of lawyers on them...and the people couldn't figure
out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a ...
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After 6 long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime ...
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If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...
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Bill Clinton was walking along the White House fence when he came upon
a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of
age.
The group surrounded a dog. ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
little proof-reading would provide...
National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the ...
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How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
Say, "Nice dick."
How do ...
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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the
woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in
a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release ...
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The air traffic dispatchers in Frankfurt Germany are notorious for their lack of tolerance and patience. They act as if the pilot should know everything and should not request ...
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A woman went to the Doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the
new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she
burst out, screaming as she ran down ...
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It may be hard to believe how times have
changed in the last 100 years.
"100 Years Ago"
The average life expectancy in the United States
was forty-seven.
Only 14 ...
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Steve Allen, Renaissance Man:
...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci
as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...
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Ya know, just make up your own joke here...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya, after graduating from Northwestern University, same place my dad went to school. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull ...
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A man left work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going
home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending
his entire paycheck. ...
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1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
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An elderly Florida couple, Sam and Bessie, are vacationing in Las Vegas.
Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale
one day, he buys them, wears ...
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