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You can view all of the Darwin Awards at http://www.darwinawards.com/
(We have removed actual Darwin Awards items to avoid possible copyright infringement.)
"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive.
"Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?", she asked. "Because I pissed in his
ear ...
For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this
is for you. An award should go to the United Airlines agent in Denver for
being smart and funny, while ...
Dear Abby... A couple of women moved in across the
hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and
the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These
two women go ...
Dear Abby -
I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army, and I have a second cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi hate literature to Girl Scouts and my ...
Dear Abby:
My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The other day, he bought me a
mood ring so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood
it turns ...
As a service for those subscribers who didn't have time to watch the
presidential debate
last night, we have prepared this transcript of what was actually
said...
Jim ...
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. ...
At the exact same time, there are two young men are on opposite sides of the
earth: one is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers,the other is
getting a blow job from a ...
DEEP THOUGHTS...
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
If ...
ARCHITECT: Defines someone who was neither macho enough to become an
engineer nor gay enough to become a designer.
BANKER: Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is ...
ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end
and a complete ...
1. Democrats get to keep shooting until one gets par
or an acceptable score.
2. Democrats are allowed to keep score by hand,
Republicans are not allowed to keep score at ...
Lions football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours.
One of the players, while on his way to the locker room happened to look
down and noticed a suspicious ...
Thursday September 13 8:57 AM ET
Did Nostradamus Really Predict New York Attack?
By Geert De Clercq
SINGAPORE (Reuters) - Internet chat rooms are abuzz with talk that 16th ...
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I ...
Even I couldn't make this one up. You can see the article for yourself
at...
http://cbs.marketwatch.com/archive/20000304/news/current/personal.htx
-
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as ...
Thursday August 30 8:00 AM ET
Disabled Mississippi Man to Cut Off Feet on Web
LUMBERTON, Miss. (Reuters) - A disabled Mississippi man said on Wednesday he was planning to ...
I don't usually links to other websites, but when I stumbled across this one
while wandering the outer fringes of the Internet, I knew I had to make an
exception...
(Be ...
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest ...
THE DIVORCE A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice ...
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