Humor
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Things You Should NEVER Say When Stopped by the Police!
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't ...
YOU'RE PROBABLY AGE 25-35 IF...
You wore anything Izod, especially those windbreakers that folded up into a pouch you could wear around your waist.
You owned a Jordache ...
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough ...
A Man's Guide to What a Woman Is Really Saying
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you ...
WHAT THE ORGANIZATIONAL CHART DOESN'T TELL YOU
In the lower ranks of the MIS world, sorting out job titles is a nearly impossible task. Some folks are called Analysts. Some are ...
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his ...
How many programmers did it take to screw in a light bulb?
a) None, it's a hardware problem.
b) None, programmers can't fit in a light bulb.
c) 100. One to hold the light ...
You'll be perfectly safe behind this much lead plate.
That's not smoke, that's steam.
Of course it's sterile.
Well, we're the next best thing to a bank.
That should be ...
You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...
Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly ...
Three consultants were in the washroom performing their morning business. The first consultant finishes and walks over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeds to dry his ...
There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" ...
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't:
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to ...
Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
...
In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
At work, you spend most of your time in a 6 X 8 cubicle
In prison, you get three meals a day.
At work, you ...
Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government ...
HAVE YOU RUN ACROSS THIS PERSON??
This is the actual telephone dialog of a former
WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" ...
BUMPER STICKERS SIGHTED THROUGHOUT THE WORLD
The gene pool could use a little clorine.
I love cats…they taste like chicken
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an ...
From "American Demographics" magazine:
Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:
When Braniff translated a slogan ...
Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team:
10) Behold, the keyboard of Kaylis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever ...
Some thoughts for the day.
Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. ...
83 things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say:
-
1. uh-oh....
2. Oh S***!
3. What the heck?!?
4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO
There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby ...
MEN'S 43 RULES FOR WOMEN
1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be ...
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an
embarrassing problem.
"I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no
odor. In ...
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