Listen Carefully
A Man's Guide to What a Woman Is Really Saying
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture,
new wallpaper.....
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really gonna
hate
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes & find a good game on
TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you better get used to
it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him till he
goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling - this is important!
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that
we're stopping at the Cosmetics Department, the shoe department, I need
to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would
look great in the bedroom. You did bring your checkbook - Didn't
you???
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A Woman's Answer to What's Wrong........
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam
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A Woman's Guide to What a Man Is Really Saying......
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and
let's go!
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you
I'm sorry = I really don't know what I did wrong but I hope this helps
so we can have sex
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are
you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex right now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...now let's have sex right now!
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I'm a deep
person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other guys.
