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1. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
2. Warning... I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
3. Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time.
4. Why ...
Monica Lewinsky (on CNN's Larry King Live discussing her miraculous
Jenny Craig weight-loss) :
"I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me."
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating
ecological issues on the shores of an ...
A guy named Bill receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from
his company.
Unfortunately, when Bill arrives at the stadium, he realizes the
seat is in the last row in the ...
HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle gently in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's ...
Top Ten Things Men Understand about Women
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Christopher Reeve has a new job... He's selling accidental disability
insurance...
http://www.healthextras.com/
Feel free to make up your own jokes about possible other ...
Last week I went to a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr.
Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology. He gave an example of A
coping skill for job stress which I would ...
One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man
of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience. After the wedding
they left for their ...
Happy Jan. 20th... Which is also known as...
Feast Day of St. Paula the Bearded
According to fourth-century legend, Paula was pursued by an enraptured youth into a church, ...
AND WE WONDER WHY GOOD HELP IS HARD TO FIND!
Can you imagine working at the following Company? It has a little over 500
employees with the following statistics:
29 have ...
from Andy Rooney On Ads In Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk ...
Personally, I don't know which is more bizarre: The fact that the ad
agency thought they could get away with this ad, or that Reuters found
it necessary to explain to its ...
A recent article in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer concerning accidental
deaths caused by physicians from research of Laura Key USA. This
triggered a chain of thought that ...
Things to do while your spouse or significant other is taking his/her
sweet time shopping:
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly place them in other people's
shopping carts ...
BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING VIRUSES:
CLINTON VIRUS Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.
VIAGRA VIRUS Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
...
Tact
Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill
and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, ...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in Deliverance.")
...
1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people
can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left
lane waiting for the same jerks to ...
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go ...
Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced
youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"What ...
Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the shack,
not a thing was a movin',
from the front to the back,
The kids were in bed,
I believe we had nine,
...
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.
God addressed Al first. "Al, what do ...
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn:
Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window:
New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all ...
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