Shopping
Things to do while your spouse or significant other is taking his/her
sweet time shopping:
1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly place them in other people's
shopping carts when they are not looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we
have got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and
turn the volumes to "10".
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only
invite them if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
10. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you
pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with Pokemon vs. X-men.
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
14. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the
clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission
Impossible".
17. Set up a "Valet Parking" in front of the store.
18. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various
funnels.
19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say
things like "pick me, pick me!!"
20. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume "It's
those voices again."
21. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you
don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
22. Go into the dressing room and yell out real loud..."Hey, we are out
of toilet paper in here!"
HAVE FUN SHOPPING!
