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Added 11/9/2000
Adult One Liners
Q: What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What ...
Added 11/7/2000
An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or
rearranging the letters of another word or phrase.
The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out ...
Added 11/6/2000
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about six years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are ...
Added 11/4/2000
Douglas Adams Quotes...
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.
In the beginning the Universe was ...
Added 11/4/2000
Steve Allen, Renaissance Man:
...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci
as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...
Added 10/29/2000
Trent Dilfer recently returned home and had an incredibly hard time
getting into the front door. It seems someone painted an end zone in
front of the house.
Trent Dilfer was ...
Added 10/27/2000
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
He is not a BAD DANCER - He is RHYTHMICALLY ...
Added 10/23/2000
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the
trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general
began to throw his weight around to try ...
Added 10/23/2000
Bill Clinton, Al Gore and George W. Bush died and found themselves standing on the other side of the Jordan River, looking across at the promised land.
The Archangel Michael was ...
Added 10/20/2000
Hello,
I'm Al Gore, and I'd like to tell you about myself. I
know a lot about hardship, because I came into this
world as a poor black child in a tiny town in the ...
Added 10/19/2000
As a service for those subscribers who didn't have time to watch the
presidential debate
last night, we have prepared this transcript of what was actually
said...
Jim ...
Added 10/18/2000
Top Ten Things Only Women Understand:
10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white.
8. Crying can be fun.
...
Added 10/17/2000
In the seventh century, Queen Etheldrida of Northumbria developed a throat tumor, which she regarded as divine punishment for her life of extravagance. Before her death, she ...
Added 10/16/2000
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin,
5,and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would
get the first pancake. Their mother saw the
opportunity for a moral ...
Added 10/16/2000
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass the ...
Added 10/13/2000
Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We
don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read
in the newspaper that most ...
Added 10/4/2000
Bubba Gets Triplets
Well, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some
time, and now the time had come. So, he brought
her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the ...
Added 9/25/2000
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?" The ...
Added 9/25/2000
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.
"Well, why ...
Added 9/25/2000
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." ...
Added 9/25/2000
Lesson Number Four, Five and Six
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, ...
Added 9/25/2000
Some Thoughts for the Day
-
What's the difference between the Pope and your boss?
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married ...
Added 9/22/2000
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he
pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to
write with it. Realizing his mistake, he ...
Added 9/22/2000
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing
from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled
sound downstairs.
She went ...
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