Humor
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"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier
noticed a remote control for a ...
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says
that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and ...
Howard is a 95 year old man who lives in a senior citizen home. Every
night after dinner, Howard goes to the secluded garden behind the center
to sit and ponder his ...
Sex sandals This married couple was on holiday in India. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this sandal shop. From ...
Top 10 Questions You Should Never Ask When Being Interviewed For A Job :
1. What's your company's policy on severance pay?
2. How long does it take your company's ...
"Almighty God, ... Keep us we pray, from thinking of ourselves more highly
than we ought to think, and ready at all times to step aside for others."
- prayer on the feast of ...
1. Democrats get to keep shooting until one gets par
or an acceptable score.
2. Democrats are allowed to keep score by hand,
Republicans are not allowed to keep score at ...
When Santa answers mail...
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur
for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. ...
THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T...
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't ...
to: The citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the ...
Place of Balance
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired ...
"19 Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn" By Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in ...
WOMEN:
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that
knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to
make a point.
Women ...
Interpretations of nature from junior high, high school, and college test
papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers (spelling
errors preserved)....
"When ...
Adult One Liners
Q: What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What ...
An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or
rearranging the letters of another word or phrase.
The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out ...
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little
girl about six years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are ...
Douglas Adams Quotes...
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
account be allowed to do the job.
In the beginning the Universe was ...
Steve Allen, Renaissance Man:
...describing Allen as a comedian is like describing Leonardo da Vinci
as a "painter." Like Leonardo, Alien is a Renaissance man. Besides being ...
Trent Dilfer recently returned home and had an incredibly hard time
getting into the front door. It seems someone painted an end zone in
front of the house.
Trent Dilfer was ...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
He is not a BAD DANCER - He is RHYTHMICALLY ...
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the
trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general
began to throw his weight around to try ...
Bill Clinton, Al Gore and George W. Bush died and found themselves standing on the other side of the Jordan River, looking across at the promised land.
The Archangel Michael was ...
Hello,
I'm Al Gore, and I'd like to tell you about myself. I
know a lot about hardship, because I came into this
world as a poor black child in a tiny town in the ...
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