Humor
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1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world, ...
Here are some new taglines collected from various dark corners of the
Internet...
Mary Shafer of NASA Ames has said, "Insisting on perfect safety is for
people who don't ...
In the wake of Enron, MCI/Worldcom, and their venerable accounting firm of
Arthur Andersen, we have new definitions for some common financial terms...
EBIT
old: Earnings ...
"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." - Anonymous "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are ...
There was a midget (little person) down in Texas whose testicles ached
almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him what the
problem was.
The doctor told ...
A blonde is going on her first trip overseas. She drives all the way to
Miami to apply for a passport. In the passport office, the government
official sees that she is visibly ...
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar BEETS.
Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, ...
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around ...
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to
Chicago.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and
asked, "If big dogs ...
SICKDAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are ...
CLASSES FOR MEN AT OUR LOCAL LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS -
SIGN-UP BY June 1st
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,
EACH COURSE WILL ACCEPT A ...
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her
husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not a chance," says Mrs. Murphy. "He ...
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
all over the doorknobs. ...
Winners of a New York Magazine contest who were asked to take a
well known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter
and provide a definition for the new ...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
...
As a TEXAN I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned in my 30 years of living in this Heaven on Earth located South of the Red River and North of the Rio Grande. I ...
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a
woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a
woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ...
Number10:
"Scattered @#$% ing showers, my ass!"
- Noah, 4314 BC
Number 9:
"How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagorus, 126 BC
Number 8:
"You want WHAT ...
Everyone say it with me:
1) I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I
DON'T forward an email.
2) I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, ...
A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have
two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest ...
1. Ahhh... I see the f_ck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for ...
I don't usually links to other websites, but when I stumbled across this one
while wandering the outer fringes of the Internet, I knew I had to make an
exception...
(Be ...
Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Almost Boobs
B - Barely there
C - Could do with a little more
D - Damn good
DD - Damn - Double Delight
E ...
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on
the ...
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