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Shoot yourself in the foot

Added 1/1/1990
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language ...

Short One

Added 1/1/1990
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has an attack while he's in the bathtub? A: Throw in your dirty laundry.

Snails

Added 1/1/1990
Escargot saves the day! A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted ...

Snowing in DC

Added 1/1/1990
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die!" written in urine ...

Something to think about...

Added 1/1/1990
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort

Special Notice from Carnival Cruise Lines

Added 1/1/1990
NOTICE FROM CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES: Afghanistan Cruise We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W.Bush ...

Stefan and Grandpa

Added 1/1/1990
Stefan and Grandpa: Stefan and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?" Grandpa says "Is your penis ...

Sunday Morning

Added 1/1/1990
Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were ...

Superman

Added 1/1/1990
One sunny afternoon Superman was out flying around. Crime was slow that day so he decided to go over to Spiderman's house. "Hey Spiderman", said Superman, "lets go get a burger ...

Technologically challenged

Added 1/1/1990
Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article: 1. Compaq is considering changing the ...

Texas Rancher

Added 1/1/1990
While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 75-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. ...

Thanksgiving Dinner

Added 1/1/1990
Thanksgiving Dinner Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've ...

The Amazing Italian

Added 1/1/1990
A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing. A sign read: Don't Miss The Amazing Italian. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, under The Big Top, ...

The Baby

Added 1/1/1990
After a woman gave birth to her baby, her Dr. stood solemnly at her bedside. "I have something I must tell you about your baby." "What's wrong," the alarmed mother asked? ...

The Blonde and the Cute Sheep

Added 1/1/1990
The Blonde and the Cute Sheep Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out ...

The boy, the old man, and the donkey

Added 1/1/1990
The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man ...

The Cat

Added 1/1/1990
A fellow who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day while his wife was gone. He drove the cat 20 blocks from his home and left him in a nice park. As he ...

The Day After April Fools Day in History

Added 1/1/1990
Things done in history that had to wait until after April Fools Day so everyone would take them seriously. April 2 1792 The United States authorizes the minting of the $10 ...

The Genie

Added 1/1/1990
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she ...

The Gift

Added 1/1/1990
DEAR Diary... For Christmas this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Since I know I need to get in shape I decided ...

THE JUGGLER AND THE POLICEMAN

Added 1/1/1990
THE JUGGLER AND THE POLICEMAN A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. ...

The Labrador Retriever

Added 1/1/1990
I pulled into a crowded mall parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to ...

The Little Green Snake

Added 1/1/1990
Harmless? If you always thought those little green garden snakes were O.K., read on: Green Garden Grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. A couple in ...

The Little Old Lady Takes the Stand...

Added 1/1/1990
Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you? Little Old Woman: ...

 

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