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Added 11/2/1998
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
- Red Buttons
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you ...
Added 10/26/1998
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY:
Duct Tape won't fix that.
Wrasslin's fake.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe.
Lisa Marie was lucky to ...
Added 10/23/1998
38 Reason's Why It's Great To Be A Woman
1.Free drinks.
2.Free dinners.
3.Free movies (you get the point).
4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she ...
Added 10/21/1998
IS THAT LOGICAL?
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and
thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to
see the counselor, ...
Added 10/21/1998
If you're a kleptomanic, take something for it.
I hope I die quietly in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in
horror like his passengers.
"Very funny, Scotty. Now ...
Added 10/21/1998
Many colleges and businesses tend to strip the last name down to 6
characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning
or end to make up an E-Mail address.
...
Added 10/20/1998
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released ...
Added 10/19/1998
A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most
sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an
outfit.
"This is $200," ...
Added 10/15/1998
1. A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master. 2. We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants...
Added 10/14/1998
A mother is with her 5 year old boy at the zoo when they reach the
elephant cage. The 5 year old boy looks with amazement at the large
beast and says to his mom, "What's that ...
Added 10/13/1998
Did you know that Bill Clinton is considering changing the Democratic seal
from a donkey to a condom, because it represents inflation, halts
production, and gives you a false ...
Added 10/13/1998
There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a
pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since
his last meal, he flew down and began ...
Added 10/12/1998
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes
over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the
woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her ...
Added 10/12/1998
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a
perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together
was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy ...
Added 10/8/1998
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in
the hospital, near death. The family called their
preacher to stand with them.
As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's ...
Added 10/7/1998
Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at
the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a
replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and ...
Added 10/6/1998
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...
Added 10/6/1998
GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, com-corder, ...
Added 10/2/1998
A variation on "Be all that you can be"!
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the ...
Added 10/1/1998
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, his
mother asked if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him he can't ...
Added 9/30/1998
ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS
* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a ...
Added 9/30/1998
1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances ...
Added 9/29/1998
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original
spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical
Branch ' Galveston...
My son is under a ...
Added 9/24/1998
How Old Do You Feel?
To get an idea of the lives of those entering college this fall, read on......... and try not to laugh...............
1. The people who are starting ...
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