Humor
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BACKSEAT DRIVER
A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The following exchange takes place.... The man says, "What's
the problem officer?"
Officer: ...
A man is caught, by a forest ranger, sitting at a makeshift campfire, and to the ranger's horror, eating a bald eagle. The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day ...
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the ...
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The ...
From the Sydney Morning Herald in Australia comes this story of a couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife ...
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that ...
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I ...
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: ...
Best Fruit Cake Ever
1 cup butter
1 tsp. salt
1 cup sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup dried fruit
nuts
1 tsp. baking powder
1
Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary's hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The attendant comes out and begins to ...
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" exclaims the President.
"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. ...
Two blondes decide to rob a bank. the first blonde goes over their plan over and over to the other blonde.
They pull up in front of the bank in there getaway car and the first ...
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a
small town. He's going through his usual run of "dumb blonde" jokes, when
a blonde woman in the 4th ...
It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was at zero when the little blond got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make ...
A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee a sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I ...
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win"
sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming,
"I've won a motorhome! I've won a ...
Two blondes are going to Disneyland. They were driving down the freeway and saw a sign that said "Disneyland left", so they turned around and went home.
This blonde walked into a store and after looking around says, "Can I please buy that TV?" The clerk says, "Sorry we don't serve blondes here."
The next day she walked into the ...
A young, blonde woman had the windows in
her house replaced with new double insulated,
energy efficient windows.
Twelve months later she gets an irate call from
the ...
Blonde Riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs ...
A recent survey of boat owners revealed that only 13% of them would
go overboard to save their spouse. However 25% would go overboard
to save their hat.
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby... all alone. He calls the waiter over and ...
BUMPER STICKERS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE
1. Jesus loves you... but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
2. Impotence... Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
3. The ...
Before the election, Bush was asked by Oprah Winfrey if he worried about what other people think of him. He replied...
"I care what 51 percent of the people think of me."
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