WOW.....if Disney only knew!
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and
promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball,
but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees "What's the second
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into
a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed hour
comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m.,
Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied
"Where have you been?" demands the fairygodmother. "Your diaphragm
was supposed to have turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." "I know of
no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!
"I can't remember, exactly... Peter Peter, something or other..."
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper
on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
RED RIDING HOOD
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the
Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
With that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and
pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not!
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court And the
judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey
replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f_cking Goofy."
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
screaming, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Oh... by the way, did you know Captain Hook died from jock itch?