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Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government ...
"A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke" by Joseph Lucas
All electrical components and wiring harnesses depend on proper
circuit functioning, which is the transmission of ...
Escargot saves the day!
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status
figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted ...
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter.
Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must
Die!" written in urine ...
A husband and wife are in bed.
The husband asks for sex.
The wife says 'no.'
Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?"
She responds, "Yes."
He says, "Then I'd ...
1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released ...
Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program
shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and
12-paragraph disclaimer notice ...
"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection" "Away in a Drunk Tank" "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means" "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected" ...
Some things you just can't explain
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar getting soused. A
man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here
on this ...
COMPUTER PROVERBS
1. Home is where you hang you're @.
2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single ...
NOT FOR DISTRIBUTION
How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital?
He's the one blowing the foam off of his bedpan
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A ...
A variation on "Be all that you can be"!
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the ...
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort
Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried...
n
At a small airport terminal somewhere in Texas, three strangers awaiting
their shuttle flight start conversing about the recent world events. The
strangers were of varying ...
Carly Simon - You're So Varicose Vein
The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly ...
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY:
Duct Tape won't fix that.
Wrasslin's fake.
No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe.
Lisa Marie was lucky to ...
SPAM HAIKUS
1.
Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe
2.
Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your ...
Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you ...
Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend,just as I've done. I don't care if you lick ...
NOTICE FROM CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES:
Afghanistan Cruise
We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W.Bush ...
For anyone who has ever gotten a speeding ticket...
This guy is flying down the road, and he comes over a bridge. Sure enough, a
cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other ...
GOOD:
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 10-year-old boy
was standing up the road with a hand ...
HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
======================================
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, ...
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