Spoiled food
HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
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Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, or a new college student who for the
first time has his or her own refrigerator-you will eventually all open
the fridge one day and say to yourself, "Can I eat this or will it kill me?
Well here are some guidelines to help you get through the crisis, so
you will know what to eat and what to toss.
THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what
you cooked for yourself last night).
EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is
probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is
already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese
but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
spoiled.
FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting
problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or
wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
EXPIRATION DATES
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly
good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit
by having a calendar in your kitchen.
MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a
three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is
spoiled.
BREAD
Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable
"spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy
and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication
that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory
experiment.
FLOUR
Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
LETTUCE
Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the
vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it
turns liquid. (We didn't think you needed guidance with this one)
CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball
should be disposed of. Carefully.
CARROTS
A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is no longer fresh.
RAISINS
Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
POTATOES
If it looks like it is ready for planting, toss it.
CHIP DIP
If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it
has gone bad.
EMPTY CONTAINERS
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick,
but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
UNMARKED ITEMS:
You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the
Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware
containers should not burp when you open them.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a
hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.
