Humor
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Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in
the hospital, near death. The family called their
preacher to stand with them.
As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's ...
Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at
the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a
replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and ...
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy. ...
GARAGE SALE: Place an ad in the classified section of your local newspaper advertising a GIGANTIC Garage Sale listing the address of your victim. Advertise televisions, com-corder, ...
A variation on "Be all that you can be"!
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the ...
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, his
mother asked if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him he can't ...
ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS
* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
* Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a ...
1. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances ...
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original
spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical
Branch ' Galveston...
My son is under a ...
How Old Do You Feel?
To get an idea of the lives of those entering college this fall, read on......... and try not to laugh...............
1. The people who are starting ...
Here's a Riddle for You:
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
The ...
NOT SO FAMOUS QUOTES
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. when I go out, I lock every
other one. I figure, no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
locks, ...
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WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
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The Center for ...
Fantasy Island
A ship goes out to sea and sinks in a storm. Six
people (5 men and 1 woman) survive by using a raft to
float to a deserted island.
After spending several ...
A policeman on horseback is at a traffic light and next to him is a kid on
his bike. The policeman smiles down at the kid and says, "Nice bike you
got there. Santa bring that ...
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall. He
called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I
am a history buff, and I would ...
Serenity Prayer
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I cannot accept;
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those ...
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make
as ...
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it ...
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a
prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist
University, English 44A, SMU, ...
HOW TO TELL WHEN YOUR FOOD IS SPOILED
======================================
Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks
on rare occasions for himself, ...
NEW MATH
Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960: ...
TRUE FUNNY STORIES
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I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she ...
Ok, the story behind this.... There's a man who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, ...
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