Performance evaluations
These quotes were taken from actual performance evaluations:
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in
a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve
them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
"Got deep into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
"Got a full six pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
"The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"He's so dense, light bends around him."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."
"Takes him an hour-and-a-half to watch sixty minutes."
"Donated his brain to science before he was through with it."
"It's hard to believe that he beat out one million other sperm."
"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
