Resumes and cover letters
Taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in the July
21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:
1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
6. "Failed bar exam with extremely high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet, so you can ‘ooh' and ‘aah' over my experience."
9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in not time."
10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
12. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved,
No commitments."
13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one
and absolutely nothing."
16. "My goal is be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training
in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
17. "I procrastinate, especially when the job is unpleasant."
18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."
20. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.' I
have never quite a job."
22. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under
those conditions."
24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers."
25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
26. "References: none. I've left a patch of destruction behind me."
