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Reuters
Monday January 8 8:35 AM ET
Woman Who Bit Off Testicle Is Jailed
LONDON (Reuters) - A British woman who bit off the testicle of her best friend's husband's in a ...
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going
home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending
his entire paycheck. ...
An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor
asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen
year old bride ...
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN....
* Your potted plants stay alive.
* Having sex in a twin sized bed is absurd.
* You keep more food than beer in the ...
OXYMORON LIST (April 1998)
(Oxymoron - - an epigrammatic witty, often paradoxical effect, by which contradictory terms are used in conjunction)
50. Act naturally
49. Found ...
Oxymorons
"Thank God I'm an Atheist"
"This page intentionally left blank"
A little big
A new classic
Academic sorority
Act naturally
Advanced BASIC
Aerobic ...
A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts
wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and ...
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned ...
A young couple, just married, was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his ...
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The ...
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears
like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes
straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, ...
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally
sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in
Vermont as far away from humanity as ...
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass the ...
The doctor, who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life,
finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a
list of all the medicines ...
A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there he notices this bowl of peanuts beside her bed
and takes one. As they talk, he can't ...
A penguin is taking a trip when his car suddenly breaks down.
Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street from a
mechanic. So he pushes his BMW to the shop and asks ...
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around ...
These quotes were taken from actual performance evaluations:
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig."
"His men would follow him ...
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home ...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
...
A little boy is at school one day and while he is gone, his cat is killed in traffic. His mother is very concerned about how he will take the news. Upon his arrival home, she ...
Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use "as is", or ...
A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree", sighed the pheasant, "but I haven't got the energy."
Well, why ...
Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the ...
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