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Added 6/13/2000
REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS DIFFICULT TO LEARN
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it ...
Added 6/13/2000
THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WITH A HALLMARK
"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder: What the f_ck was I thinking"
"Congratulations on your ...
Added 6/12/2000
Have you ever wished you could remember Norm's greetings on Cheers?
1. "What's shaking Norm?"
"All four cheeks & a couple of chins."
2. "What's new Normie?"
...
Added 5/22/2000
TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH . . .
If you think you're fat, you probably are . Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's ...
Added 5/17/2000
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, the
wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's ...
Added 5/12/2000
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You will ever be.
Today I sniffed
Many dog behinds - I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paper ...
Added 5/12/2000
A little boy asked his Father, "What is politics?"
Father replied, "Let me put it this way: I am the breadwinner of the
family, so we will call me Capitalism. Your Mother is ...
Added 4/28/2000
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three
Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the ...
Added 4/26/2000
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area ...
Added 4/14/2000
A man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid
is spinning a 25 cent piece in the air and catching it between his
teeth. As they walk through the market ...
Added 4/14/2000
Gives the words "bad day" a whole new perspective...
Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of
Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore ...
Added 4/13/2000
A fierce tribe of warriors captured a Frenchman,an Englishman, and a New Yorker.The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to ...
Added 4/10/2000
Cowboy Wisdom
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Good judgment comes from experience and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole ...
Added 4/5/2000
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police
officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the
scene?
A. No sir, but I ...
Added 4/3/2000
This man at the side of the road was fixing his flat tire. A
police car stops behind his and the officer strolls to him to
offer help. The man says he's doing OK and doesn't ...
Added 3/31/2000
A lady in her late 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift.
The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This small knob
is planted on the back of a ...
Added 3/24/2000
A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They
found themselves stranded on a deserted island. After being there a while,
they got into the habit of ...
Added 3/24/2000
The Ultimate Urban Legend...
I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's
(sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people,
celebrating ...
Added 3/23/2000
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that ...
Added 3/21/2000
A blond was sitting in first class on a non-stop flight from Los Angeles
to New York. The stewardess came up and asked her if she had a ticket for
first-class and the blond ...
Added 3/20/2000
A young couple, just married, was in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his ...
Added 3/16/2000
It's a good thing I was born a woman, or I'd have been a drag queen.
- Dolly Parton
Added 3/15/2000
Dumb Blonde?
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA
to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The
blonde, tired, just ...
Added 3/15/2000
THE HIGH PRICE OF GASOLINE
So, you think a gallon of gasoline is expensive?
Well, here are a few things that Autoweek brought attention to compare.
This is what it costs to ...
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