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Added 12/2/2002
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table, and
looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?", he
squeaks.
Papa Bear ...
Added 11/26/2002
Dr. Seuss on Aging
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh, my God, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell ...
Added 11/26/2002
THE GEORGE BUSH Virus...
(Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.)
THE AL GORE Virus...
(Causes your ...
Added 11/25/2002
What a difference 30 years makes:
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG
2002: EKG
...
Added 11/24/2002
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the ...
Added 11/22/2002
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is
when we're kids?
If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you
think in ...
Added 11/21/2002
Divorcing After 45 Years An elderly man in Phoenix
calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin
your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and
I are divorcing; ...
Added 11/17/2002
You read about all these terrorists - most of them came here legally, but
they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to ...
Added 11/12/2002
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good ...
Added 11/11/2002
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
- Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" It's "Hi, how are you?"
- Rest stop ...
Added 11/7/2002
Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried...
n
Added 11/3/2002
This happened in a little town in Mexico, and even though it sounds like an
Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark ...
Added 11/1/2002
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior
that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
So he called one of ...
Added 10/31/2002
You know when you are "all growed up" when... 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You ...
Added 10/25/2002
Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic
in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
...
Added 10/24/2002
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in
front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to
avoid hitting her. This ...
Added 10/21/2002
These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
little proof-reading would provide...
National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the ...
Added 10/13/2002
1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not
have e-mail addresses.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. ...
Added 10/11/2002
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has ...
Added 10/9/2002
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...
Added 10/9/2002
HOW DID WE SURVIVE?
Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we
have.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding ...
Added 10/8/2002
(note to M. - the timing is completely coincidental - ed.)
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get
married and wish you were dead.
At a ...
Added 10/4/2002
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks over and says, Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here? Bush says, "We're planning the next ...
Added 9/29/2002
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going
home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending
his entire paycheck. ...
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