Humor
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A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be
six again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off
they ...
There was an Arizona phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers and the boss had to choose between a team of Irish guys and a team of Polish guys. ...
The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on
the Potomac... sailing on the pres. yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the
sights when, all of a ...
A successful rancher died and left everything to his
devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and
determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little
about ranching, ...
Pat and Mick are driving through the Northern Territory in Australia when
they are pulled over by the Police. The Police Officer walks over to the
car and taps on the window ...
Every Saturday morning Fred goes fishing. He gets up early and eager, makes
his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes... all day long.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up ...
A little old man shuffled slowly...
into an ice cream parlor.
He pulled himself slowly...
painfully...
up onto a stool...
After catching his breath...
he ordered a ...
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war (so, what's new in this
regard?).
During one battle, the French captured an English Major. Taking the Major to
their ...
If only it were this easy...
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down
and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would ...
April 1st
1778 Oliver Pollock, creates the dollar sign.
1863 The first wartime conscription law goes into effect in the United States.
1865 At the Battle of Five Forks, ...
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
...
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his
eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He ...
GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either
with us or ...
You know the world is changing when...
The best rapper is a white guy,
The best golfer is a black guy,
France is accusing the US of arrogance, and
Germany doesn't want ...
Alright, one more round of French-bashing (Francobashing?), then we
will move on to something else. -ed.
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without ...
A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there he notices this bowl of peanuts beside her bed
and takes one. As they talk, he can't ...
On a train there was George Bush, Bill Clinton, Janet Reno and Jennifer
Lopez. After several minutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark
tunnel and the unmistakable ...
A young man from Tampa dies, and, unfortunately, goes to Hell. As usual,
he's assigned to work in the sulfur pits. Lucifer comes by on a tour one
day, and he sees the boy ...
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they
don't sell rectum deodorant, and ...
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! Good dog! Good dog!
...
TASTE TEST
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of lifesaver, one at a ...
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the Other
and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home After
we've been out drinking, ...
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last
instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of
paint on their habits. After ...
Editor's note: I have no idea whether any of this will actually work,
but hey, it's worth a try...
Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has ...
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