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100 FUN WAYS TO PHONE IN A PIZZA ORDER
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a ...
Viewed 14 times
I am a BAD American.
I like big cars, big guns, and big tits. I believe the money I make
belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary
with a bad ...
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Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I ...
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know...
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This blonde walked into a store and after looking around says, "Can I please buy that TV?" The clerk says, "Sorry we don't serve blondes here."
The next day she walked into the ...
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A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, ...
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I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer
guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the
problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum ...
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Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.
Horn Broken, Watch for Finger
If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, ...
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Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two Aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
You spend the ...
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John Cleese was recently asked on American TV what he thought the
differences between the English and the Americans were.
In reply he said that there were three differences: ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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Personally identifiable information, including your name and e-mail address, is kept confidential. It will not be sold to, or shared with, other parties for any reason, unless required by law ...
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Michael Jackson describes his September 11th experience in the March issue of Vibe... "I was in New York (after performing at Madison Square Garden on Sept. 7 and 10), and I got ...
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Name all the US presidents who where born in Texas?
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Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to
her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker:
As a graduate of an ...
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One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing community service." ...
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Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use "as is", or ...
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The other day, a woman came out of the kitchen and when her husband approached, she slapped him up side the head, WHACK! He was a little dazed and asked, "What was that for?"
...
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20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the ...
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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: ...
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As reported by MSNBC, something called the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse put out a study last week noting with alarm that a quarter of all the alcohol sold in ...
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by Curtis Wiggins
I have some very useless things lying around my house. The most obvious are our two cats. My wife would disagree with me on this point. Not that I have ...
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the ...
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How many active volcanoes are in the United States?
(For the purposes of this question, count only volcanoes that are
"historically active", i.e. volcanoes that have a written ...
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