Humor
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"[Some parents] want their Ambers and their Alexanders to
grow up in a cozy womb of non-competition, where everybody
shares tofu, and Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad ...
"As an Olympic commentator, John Tesh is a great piano player"
- Bob Costas
"I think Bob Costas needs a spanking"
- John Tesh
"When we yelled 'Sacrifice the chocolate rabbit' they jumped out of their parked cars and started to circle us. They were praying hard. It was really chaos."
- High Priestess ...
"I think he just flew too close to the tower,"
- Harnett County North Carolina Sheriff Larry Knott, explaining what happened when a small plane crashed into an 1800 foot tower. ...
"People thought this would be an award show - but we couldn't get anybody to open up the envelopes. I've been backstage at a lot of rock concerts, and I've never seen musicians run ...
Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells?
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd ...
contributed by: Duke Duquette
How can you possibly not love the Irish?
Real "Personal ads" in the Dublin News
-
Heavy drinker, 35, Cor
20) Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19) Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17) Too ...
RECIPE FOR A JOYOUS HOLIDAY MEAL FROM THE ALTERNATIVE GOURMET WHOLE ROASTED REINDEER WITH CHRISTMAS ELF STUFFING
This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but ...
REJECTED STATE MOTTOS
ALABAMA
Literacy ain't everything
Ya want fries with dat?
ALASKA
Come, freeze your butt off
ARIZONA
Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds ...
Rest in Peace, Colonel Klink
Thursday December 07 10:06 PM EST
Werner Klemperer, the man guaranteed tube immortality as the bumbling Colonel Klink on TV's Hogan's Heroes, ...
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take
a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim,
Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical ...
The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take a civil-service exam.
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few ...
Let's get this straight.
Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
It's ...
MARINE CORPS
* Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two.
* Bring all of your friends who have weapons.
* Bring their friends who have weapons.
* Anything worth ...
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it
doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and ...
A New Theorem on Salary states:
Engineers, Teachers, Programmers and Scientists can never earn as much salary as business executives and sales people.
This theorem can now ...
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was
greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, ...
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it sits in your living ...
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. ...
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they ...
An elderly couple was watching television, and they only spoke to one another during the commercials. During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever ...
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem
to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it
difficult to remember what language ...
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has an attack while he's in the bathtub?
A: Throw in your dirty laundry.
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