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Added 7/5/1999
Unlikely Marriages
If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married ...
Added 7/4/1999
North and South
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches
The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating ...
Added 6/28/1999
IDIOTS ARE EVERYWHERE. HERE ARE SOME PLACES TO FIND THEM:
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never ...
Added 6/27/1999
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice
evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was
left of his hair and he decided ...
Added 6/24/1999
Washing Your Cat
Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed.
That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this
popular belief, cats ...
Added 6/18/1999
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna ...
Added 6/18/1999
How do you tell a Democrat from a Republican in New York?
A Democrat has a bumper sticker on the back of his or her car that says "Run, Hillary, Run"
Republicans put the same ...
Added 6/16/1999
ACCEPTANCE TESTING
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a
computer company. They both had the same qualifications.
In order to determine which individual to ...
Added 6/15/1999
30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix ...
Added 6/15/1999
After the May 3rd tornado, many OKC residents have tried to deal with their loss through humor. Many homeowners spray-painted the wreckage of their homes or put up signs claiming: ...
Added 6/8/1999
Things NOT to say to the nice police officer:
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
...
Added 6/7/1999
A California fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in ...
Added 6/2/1999
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish ...
Added 5/30/1999
When the ark's door was closed Noah called a meeting with all the animals.
"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on
this trip. Not even the ...
Added 5/27/1999
Secretary of State Madeleine Albright walked into the decisive meeting of the North Atlantic Council (NATO's supreme political authority) and, after looking around the room and ...
Added 5/27/1999
Added 5/26/1999
Would you have invested back then?
Added 5/25/1999
Top Ten Suggestions for Guys While Playing Golf and/or Taking a Leak in a Public Bathroom
10. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
...
Added 5/25/1999
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her
husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and
afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. ...
Added 5/24/1999
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and
were still smelling pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell,
so brides carried ...
Added 5/24/1999
I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet ...
Added 5/23/1999
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.
In a London, England cemetery:
Ann ...
Added 5/20/1999
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about
an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's
home phone number and was greeted ...
Added 5/19/1999
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off you when you die.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: When you see your ...
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