Humor
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A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an ...
The Titanic, on her maiden voyage, just set sail from the shores of England.
It was the most magnificent ship ever built, and everybody is very excited. No expense has been ...
A few years ago Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang made a
new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special
entitled, "Why Me, Charlie Brown?"
Recently MetLife put ...
Be on the lookout for the following computer viruses:
* Woody Allen Virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
* Tonya Harding Virus: Turns your BAT files ...
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who
had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the
husband turned to his voluptuous young ...
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their
horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would
feel objects from pumice stones ...
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, ...
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
- During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least once.
- All telephone numbers in ...
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's ...
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a ...
A penguin is taking a trip when his car suddenly breaks down.
Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street from a
mechanic. So he pushes his BMW to the shop and asks ...
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual ...
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? Are you ...
THE CREATION BY COMPUTER
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said,
c:@ESCAPED-CLOSING-ANGLE-BRACKET@Let there be light]
Enter user id.
...
# 8
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? ...
The pharmacy
One day a young man went to a pharmacy and asked the little old lady behind the counter if he could speak to the pharmacist. "I am the pharmacist," she informed ...
President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an
administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was
sent to hell.
The Pope explained the ...
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she ...
"Sara," said the husband, "I just got a letter from the IRS. How should I dress for my meeting? In my Armani suit or in my jeans?"
"Jacob," his wife replied, "I'm going to tell ...
The CIA, the FBI, and the LAPD all claimed to be the best at apprehending criminals. Finally they agreed on a test. A large forest was subdivided into three sections, and a rabbit ...
The other day, a woman came out of the kitchen and when her husband approached, she slapped him up side the head, WHACK! He was a little dazed and asked, "What was that for?"
...
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby deliavered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine
that would transfer a portion of the ...
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting. ...
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin.
These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of
testing and background checks ...
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