Humor
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When you get older...
You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
She's getting crows feet around her eyes. And I'll tell you, that crow has ...
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette and has a satisfied smile on
its face, whilst the egg is frowning and looking a tad put out.
The ...
Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, ...
It's "Let's pick on men instead of blondes" time...
What do you call a handcuffed man?............Trustworthy.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath ...
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home
and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the
nurses bathe her, feed her a ...
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of their computer. This had been going on for days and God was tired of hearing all of the ...
NOT FOR DISTRIBUTION
How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital?
He's the one blowing the foam off of his bedpan
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A ...
These are things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Eve
Next time you find yourself running dry on interesting tidbits of
conversational matter ...
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law:
"After having ...
Top 15 Women's T-shirt Slogans:
1. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
2. I hate everybody, and you're next.
3. And your point is...?
4. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ...
When I was born - I was BLACK
When I grow up - I am BLACK
When I am sick - I am BLACK
When I go out in the sun - I am BLACK
When I go out in the cold - I am BLACK
...
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that
would transfer a portion of the ...
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his
company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked,
"If you could have a ...
Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house.
Men know that if she ...
Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with "the boys."
I told the misses that I would be home by midnight ... promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the ...
USEFUL METRIC CONVERSIONS
1 million microphones: 1 phone
1 million phones: 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
10 ...
The body of JFK Jr. has been found, so let the jokes begin...
What's the best thing about a Kennedy wedding?
The way arriving guests like to make a big splash.
They're ...
Laboratory Tests
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
...
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as ...
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort in the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids.
After creating heaven and earth, God ...
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman, and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar
having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and
says, " Whoever can say liver and ...
30 Signs You Are No Longer A Kid......
1.) You're asleep, but others worry that you're
dead.
2.) Your back goes out more than you do.
3.) You quit trying to hold your ...
Unlikely Marriages
If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.
If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.
If Dolly Parton married ...
North and South
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches
The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating ...
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