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The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting. ...
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TODDLER PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine..
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine..
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine..
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's ...
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TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T "Reach in and grab the giblets." 9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!" 8. "I am in the mood for a little dark ...
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TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN ...
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A consultant dies and goes to heaven. He reaches the pearly
gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners
and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter ...
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There is no arguing with cowboy logic. A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote ...
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LITTLE JOHNNY ON... PHILOSOPHY:
A Teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
He replies, "None, they ...
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Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. Fifteen minutes later, ...
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This answers the age old question of why do we have to do it this way?
Origins of engineering specs and government decisions.
Ever wonder where engineering specifications ...
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THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS
By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY
I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the ...
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New Australian version of Windows...
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They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse ...
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1. Your Houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You keep more food than beer in the ...
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"Rudolph the Reindeer with an Inner Ear Infection" "Away in a Drunk Tank" "Here We Come A-Wassailing, Whatever the Hell That Means" "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Infected" ...
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The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin ...
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When engineer David Bradley said "I may have invented it, but Bill Gates made it famous", to what was he referring?
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Who said "A sewer worker is like a brain surgeon. We're both specialists."
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A woman went to the Doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the
new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she
burst out, screaming as she ran down ...
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Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender neutral, ...
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Dear Santa: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid ...
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It has been reported that bin Laden has been recruiting suicide bombers from India. We now have proof of a new wave of attacks from the sky but there is little to fear, the ...
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Just turned 50...
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow ...
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject
and finally after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made
for the nearest frozen lake. ...
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