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This is a rather large guy I know who typed these observations from an airplane... ok this is the up date from the airplane. ya ya i know you aint supposed to use the internet from ...
Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse Jackson
Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of
procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to ...
The other morning I took a pair of underwear out of the drawer.
"What the hell?" I said to myself as a little "dust" cloud appeared
when I shook them out.
"Jeanette," I ...
After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the ...
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second ...
I was in the express lane at the store. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. The ...
Be on the lookout for the following computer viruses:
* Woody Allen Virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
* Tonya Harding Virus: Turns your BAT files ...
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods...
1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do ...
For those who are unfamiliar with the Darwin Award, it is given to those
who prove by their actions that Darwin was right... People that stupid
don't survive long enought to ...
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red ...
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to
get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she
came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most ...
"My parents just came back from a planet where the dominant lifeform had
no bilateral symmetry, and all I got was this stupid F-Shirt."
(If you got this joke, and found it ...
What Gender Is It?
ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can
always see right through them.
SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears ...
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
before the Gulf War, and she had noticed how women customarily
walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. ...
A heart-warming story of the advances of women in achieving equality around the world...
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. ...
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names; a trade name and a generic name.For example, the trade name of Tylenol has a generic name of acetaminophen. Aleve is also called ...
THE GEOGRAPHIC ANATOMY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman ...
George Costanza's Tips for Working Hard
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People
with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees ...
George W. Bush quotes:
"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it."
"It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term."
"I think we ...
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, this couple has a
fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on
St. Peter. In conversation ...
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red ...
Gifts for men
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him ...
Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized. The island is a direct ...
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, ...
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