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Mental Health Hotline

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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If ...

Evil Math

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The following pseudo-mathematical proof was posted to rec.games.board: What about this: We know that women like two things, your time and your money, therefore... women ...

Quotes 2

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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as ...

Three mice are sitting at a bar...

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Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, ...

Moron Test

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Official Moron Test So how much of a moron are you? It separates the dumb people from the really dumb people. Answer the following 13 questions, then scroll down and check ...

NewlyWeds

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A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make. The reason that they have not been ...

Top Eight Sex Jokes

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# 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? ...

Twelve bugs of Christmas

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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me See if they can do it again. For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me Ask them how they did it and ...

Jet Fuel

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A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in the hanger at JFK airport in New York; it's fogged over and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the ...

MS buys Catholic Church

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MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church By Hank Vorjes VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican ...

Apple Computer Announcement

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Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 ...

Wine vs. Water

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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...

Alabama Traffic Stop

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets  pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than  the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...

Take five minutes and chuckle

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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...

Kentucky Virus

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You have just received the "Kentucky Virus" As we ain't got no programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive ...

Better with age

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Strange Therapy Sessions A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...

20 thinnest books

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The top 20 thinnest books 20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr. 19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit 18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...

Quote of the Day 4

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Monica Lewinsky (on CNN's Larry King Live discussing her miraculous Jenny Craig weight-loss) : "I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me."

Wisdom

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1. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL 2. Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. ...

100 Reasons It's better to be a Guy

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1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about cars. 4. A five day vacation requires only one ...

Tips for Northerners moving South

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Tips for Northerners moving South 1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. 2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...

DOG FIGHT 2

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DOG FIGHT The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One ...

Penguin

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A penguin is taking a trip when his car suddenly breaks down. Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street from a mechanic. So he pushes his BMW to the shop and asks ...

IRS 2

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"Sara," said the husband, "I just got a letter from the IRS. How should I dress for my meeting? In my Armani suit or in my jeans?" "Jacob," his wife replied, "I'm going to tell ...

 

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