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Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If ...
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The following pseudo-mathematical proof was posted to rec.games.board:
What about this:
We know that women like two things, your time and your money,
therefore...
women ...
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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
genitals through his wallet. -Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as ...
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Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood
late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they
are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, ...
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Official Moron Test
So how much of a moron are you?
It separates the dumb people from the really dumb people.
Answer the following 13 questions, then scroll down and check ...
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A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make. The reason that they have not been ...
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# 8
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.
"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.
"6 shots?!? ...
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For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
See if they can do it again.
For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to me
Ask them how they did it and ...
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A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics
are in the hanger at JFK airport in New York; it's
fogged over and they have nothing to do.
One of them says to the ...
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MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square
this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican ...
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Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The i-Tit will cost $499 or $599 ...
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As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that ...
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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy in Opp , Alabama . He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New ...
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Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each ...
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You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"
As we ain't got no programming experience, this virus works on the honor
system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive ...
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Strange Therapy Sessions
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual ...
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The top 20 thinnest books
20. HOW TO LAND A PLANE AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD - by JFK, Jr.
19. HOW TO PLEASE WOMEN - by John Bobbit
18. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O. ...
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Monica Lewinsky (on CNN's Larry King Live discussing her miraculous
Jenny Craig weight-loss) :
"I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me."
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1. The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
2. Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. ...
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1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about cars.
4. A five day vacation requires only one ...
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Tips for Northerners moving South
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how
to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or ...
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DOG FIGHT
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that
if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the
whole world.
One ...
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A penguin is taking a trip when his car suddenly breaks down.
Luckily for him, he finds himself just down the street from a
mechanic. So he pushes his BMW to the shop and asks ...
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"Sara," said the husband, "I just got a letter from the IRS. How should I dress for my meeting? In my Armani suit or in my jeans?"
"Jacob," his wife replied, "I'm going to tell ...
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