Humor
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THE GEORGE BUSH Virus...
(Causes your computer to think it won the election, even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.)
THE AL GORE Virus...
(Causes your ...
What a difference 30 years makes:
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG
2002: EKG
...
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the ...
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is
when we're kids?
If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you
think in ...
Divorcing After 45 Years An elderly man in Phoenix
calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin
your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and
I are divorcing; ...
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use
the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies... not really good ...
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
- Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE
Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" It's "Hi, how are you?"
- Rest stop ...
Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried...
n
This happened in a little town in Mexico, and even though it sounds like an
Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark ...
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior
that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
So he called one of ...
You know when you are "all growed up" when... 1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 3. You ...
Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense....
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic
in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
...
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in
front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to
avoid hitting her. This ...
These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
little proof-reading would provide...
National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the ...
1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not
have e-mail addresses.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. ...
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has ...
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old, and ...
HOW DID WE SURVIVE?
Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we
have.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding ...
(note to M. - the timing is completely coincidental - ed.)
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get
married and wish you were dead.
At a ...
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going
home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending
his entire paycheck. ...
Several cannibals were recently hired by a big corporation. "You are all
part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You
get all the usual benefits ...
Nick the Dragon Slayer was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a
long-standing obsession with nuzzling the beautiful Queen's voluptuous
breasts, but he knew the penalty ...
Martha's way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom ...
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what ...
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