Church Newspapers
These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a
little proof-reading would provide...
National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting
and Prayer Conference includes meals".
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
The Sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water". The Sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus".
Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and
gracious hostility.
Potluck supper, Sunday at 5.00pm - prayer and meditation to follow.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back
door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double doors at the side entrance.
The 8th-Graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church
basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday; "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
