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Lawyer Jokes

The post office just recalled their newest stamps: they had pictures of lawyers on them...and the people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.



How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.



Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?

It's called Sosumi.



How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.



How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.



If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them,

would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?



What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.



What did the terrorist that hijacked an airplane full of lawyers do?

He threatened to release one every hour if his demands were not met.



What do you call 25 attorneys buried to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.



What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.



What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

Senator.



What do you call lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.



What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.



What is brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.



What is the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a bloodsucking parasite and the other is an insect.



Why does California have the most lawyers in the country and New Jersey has the most toxic sites?

New Jersey got first choice.