Just turned 50...
Just turned 50...
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned
to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older,
it will avoid you.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five
women to every man. Isn't that the darnedest time for a guy
to get those odds?
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after
feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to
take a laxative.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow in the middle.
The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its
way through Congress.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your
car in the parking lot.
You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you
can't get it started.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too
old to go anywhere.
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything
else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
The cardiologist's diet - if it tastes good, spit it out.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution
is the only thing you care to exercise.
You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent,
and you don't know till the 4th of July.
Doctor to patient - I have good news and bad news the good
news is that you are not a hypochondriac.
There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of
memory, the other two I forget...
