The Manbottle Library

Things


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10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say

10 Things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say: 10) "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex" 9) Duct tape won't fix that 8) Come to think of it I'll have a Heiniken's ...

30 things Girls Think Guys Should Know

30 things Girls Think Guys Should Know 1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out. 2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don't say ...

30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man

30 Things Never to Say to a Naked Man 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahhhh, it's cute. 3. Why don't we just cuddle? 4. You know they have surgery to fix ...

83 things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say

83 things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say: - 1. uh-oh.... 2. Oh S***! 3. What the heck?!? 4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO

Cool Things About a Car that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light

15. Sleep 'til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am! 14. Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green. 13. Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states. ...

Things I MUST remember when I come back as a dog...

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind ...

Things I've Learned

Things I've Learned as I've Matured... I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned ...

Things I've learned about Florida...

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5000 types of snakes, and 4998 live in Florida. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 ...

Things Men Know

Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to get out of the house. Men know that if she ...

Things NOT to say to the nice police officer

Things NOT to say to the nice police officer: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. ...

Things that make ya think

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it. How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his ...

Things to Ponder, part 1

THINGS TO PONDER 1. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? 2. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you ...

Things to Ponder, part 2

1. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... 2. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed ...

Things to say when phoning in sick

I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in ...

Things you can't say with a Hallmark

THINGS YOU CAN'T SAY WITH A HALLMARK "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the f_ck was I thinking" "Congratulations on your ...

Things you learn from the movies

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not. 2. At least one of a pair of identical twins ...

Things you should know about cats

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats. As every cat owner knows, you don't really own a cat, the cats owns you. ...

Things You Won't See On Hallmark Cards

OUTSIDE: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me. OUTSIDE: If I get only one thing for Christmas... INSIDE: I ...

Three Things

When the immigrants landed in America the land of opportunity, where it was said the streets were paved with Gold they found out three things. 1. The streets were not paved ...

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING BUT AREN'T  "Reach in and grab the giblets."  9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"  8. "I am in the mood for a little dark ...

Top Ten Things Men Understand about Women

Top Ten Things Men Understand about Women 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Top ten things only women understand

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds 7. ...

Top ten things only women understand (variation)

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand: 10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes. 9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white. 8. Crying can be fun. ...

 

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