Things I Learned in College
by Curtis Wiggins
Golf Ball + Tennis Racquet + Indoor Hallway = Awesome!
No toilet paper, no paper towels... got coffee filters?
You can make pizza with Bisquick and spaghetti.
You can make a screwdriver with Gatorade. It will not be very good.
It is possible to snort instant coffee. It is not a good idea.
If you get stoned and stare at the TV for hours people will make fun of you if it's not turned on.
A crossbow bolt will go completely through drywall.
How to patch drywall.
Yes, there are mermaids in Weeki Wachee Springs, but you cannot get there by canoe.
If you're going to jump the fence to get into Busch Gardens, you should know where they keep the lions.
"Kinda" good at nunchucks is not good enough to avoid serious head injury.
Threatening someone with a hammer just one time will forever earn you the nickname "Thor".
It is possible to steal furniture from the study lounge if you wear a mask and cape.
The value of study lounge furniture is highly overstated on police reports.
If you have access to three sets of identical twins, you can make someone think they've gone crazy.
You can survive a week on a loaf of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches.
Uncooked lime jello can be used as a popcorn seasoning.
It doesn't matter how much tequila you've had, you cannot catch a duck.
