The Man Code
The universal compensation for buddies who help you Move is beer.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both. That's just plain mean.
Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his fellow partygoers.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo
wing clean.
If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump
into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have
caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you
may sit back and enjoy.
Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 12 hours.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running
late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for
every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact,
even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to
hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good
deed and end up having Sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of
it, even at your bachelor party.
Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he,
in return is required to grant it.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask
the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's
free.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his
beer.
Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's
withholding sex pending your response.
Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either
both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is
all the conversation you need.
If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join
him... too gay."
Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
