God vs. Satan
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth
was void, without form, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said,
"Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the
fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and
let him have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of
the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth,
and over every creeping thing upon the earth."
And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created He
them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean
and fit.
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back into this game."
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent
double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with
that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure
that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth Ben & Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went
through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those
extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man
gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You are running up the score, Satan."
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and
brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled
in cholesterol.
And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.
