Witness
In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.
She says "I do."
She was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother type,
well-spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them
behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the
sense to realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few moments. Then, he
slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not
to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what
else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know
the defence attorney?
"She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, big-mouthed and has a bad drinking problem. The
man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated
on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defence attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his
chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered throughout
the court room and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counsellors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you
crooked bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be thrown in jail for
contempt. Is that clear?"
