Rules of Life
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it
doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and
shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital
relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.
It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever
gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her
believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will
this matter one year from now? How about one month?
One week? One day?'
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You
have another chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being
miserable because of a bad or former relationship
just might mean that the other person was right about
you.
12. Work is good, but it's not that important.
13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You
never know when you are going to need them to empty
your bedpan.
