New Barbie
Some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and
our aging gracefully.
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion
frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face
turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,
roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two
muumuu's with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her
sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry
mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip
lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of
exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheer-leader is really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for
Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along
with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the
Napa Valley to open a B&B. includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is
Hard to Do."
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's
car, and Ken's boat.
10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.
Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a
little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she
sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick
and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking
through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus
this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.
