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If Men Ruled The World


If Men Ruled the World...

-- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

-- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

-- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

-- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

-- Birth control would come in ale or lager.

-- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

-- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

-- Garbage would take itself out.

-- Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

-- Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

-- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

-- St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.

-- But it would be celebrated every month.

-- Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

-- Two words: Ally McNaked

-- Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event In world history.

-- The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

-- The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

-- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

-- The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.

-- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

-- Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.

-- Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.



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