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The Manbottle Library  :  Humor  :  Further proof that the human race is doomed

Further proof that the human race is doomed

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods...

1. On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

2. On a bag of Fritos:

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)

3. On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(And that would be how...?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestions: Defrost."

(But it's just a suggestion.)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(As night follows the day...)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope.)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: Contains nuts."


13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

14. On a child's Superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company; I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good God!)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:

"Do not use on food."

(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay honey just grab the Palmolive!)

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:

"If swallowed contact poison control."

(Oh please. Have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:

"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."

(Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine kids.)

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