Capitalism and Cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman
who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that
Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows,
and attest that Enron has 9 cows.