Hey Y'all, Watch This
| Guest |
Monday, December 20, 2004 at 10:57 PM |
WE ALL KNOW A MAN LIKE THIS
My wife Toni is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be
something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I
have outdone myself once again. No doubt, you will see this true story
chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. Here goes.
Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled
my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I
bought something really cool for Toni. The occasion was our 22nd
anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet
girl.
What I came cross was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with
a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is
a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to
incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage
electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be
short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but
allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the
prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it
will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching,
whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things
in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't
need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this
particular model would not create an arc between the prongs.
How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I
pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that
I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the
prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome! Sparks,
a blue arc of lectricity, and a loud pop!!! Yippee. . I'm easily
amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Toni
what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc.
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and
thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and
blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a
fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet
kitty, after all.
But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised.
Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the
time.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water.
All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5 "
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and
loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no
friggin' way!"
Friggin' way--trust me, but I'm getting ahe
| Guest |
Monday, May 2, 2005 at 11:04 AM |
Bahahahhahaha! HHAHAh hahah ahhahhahahahaha! hAhahaha! HAhHAH! HAHA ahhhahahah ahahah Bahahahahah Hahahah! hahahah AHAHAH! BWahahahaha!
"I'm getting ahe"
Lol!
Wait a sec....
| Guest |
Thursday, January 25, 2007 at 9:25 PM |
i hate it when rednecks wrote like jokes....
| Guest |
Friday, September 10, 2021 at 11:14 AM |
fd
